


Ephemera

by shitty4eyes



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Alternate Universe - College/University, Asexual Character, Domestic af, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Trans Male Character, hey guys a hidekane fic with fluff in it are you entertained, not so sunny past--not graphically violent, yes ayato's coming calm yer tits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-07-18 05:30:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7301389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shitty4eyes/pseuds/shitty4eyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a person in possession of a job in retail must also be excruciatingly patient.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ain't That A Kick In The Head

A few months ago, I would have jumped up and desperately tried to talk Juuzou out of his frankly suicidal position on top of the bookcases, and hovered just in case he slipped and needed something squishy to land on.

Today, I simply watch, because one, I know it’s an exercise in futility, two, I have a headache that's verging on torture, and three, because Seido’s doing that already.

Juuzou’s reaching out to change the light, and wow, he’s actually succeeding. Even with Seido screaming at him.

“You’re gonna break your neck; get off there!”

Juuzou laughs, and points out with a voice like he’s singing; “You can’t tell me what to do~!”

He pauses, then, balancing on one foot with his hand on the lightbulb. “If I do die, I demand to be dissected! Share my organs with the needy! Promise me, Seido.” He laughs again, steadying himself with the lightbulb miraculously out of its socket and in his hand with not even a little bit of electrocution having taken place. 

“They might find some interesting things, you know!” He adds as he reaches into his pocket for what I presume to be the replacement bulb.

Seido looks like he’s going to vomit, but hovers nonetheless.

Standing at the display shelves of the store with a raised eyebrow, I’m more of a passive observer to this than anything. In all honesty, I’ve been passively observing whatever the hell these two have got going on for months now. 

How do I put this?

Shinohara’s adopted kid was a handful to say the least. Honestly, in my first few weeks working here, I’d been too scared to ask what the kid was doing hanging around the bookstore all the time, but it turns out he’s a computer genius, and runs the IT for all fifteen branches of Anteiku Books without the appearance of putting in any effort at all. When Shinohara wasn’t around, our boss was a nineteen year old ‘hooligan’ (Seidou’s words, not mine). Even though Shinohara hired Seidou under the idea of making it an IT Team instead of an IT Aristocracy, we all knew he was nothing more or less than a high-paid baby sitter. Who, surprisingly, was probably no more than three years older than the boy, yet handled himself like he’d started having a midlife crisis come Junior High.

He put a lot of effort into making sure Juuzou didn’t die. Or eat anything unhealthy. Or got enough sleep. Seidou Takizawa: Above and Beyond.

At least now, instead of making sure Juuzou stays alive (exactly how many stitches did he have already?), I could put all of my attention into customer service, and smiling politely as people walked in looking for the wrong store. 

“No, you’re looking for our Academic section,” I’d say for the millionth time that day while packing out a display for what they must assume is a textbook that looks remarkably like Sen Takatsuki’s newest publication. “We split a few months back. It’s just outside, on the pavement, to the left. Can’t miss it.”

I die a little inside every time I have to say that sentence.

I move back from the display and admire my work. Hmmf. Not bad… I suppose I could move that one book a bit diagonally; this isn’t legos. 

The bell on the door chimes and two girls walk in, with a third guy slipping in before the door closed. If his headphones obstructing any attempt at conversation were of any indication, his arrival with the two of them was purely coincidental. 

He stood out against the dreary weather like a beam of sunlight. He was wearing the brightest clothes I’d seen outside of a club at sane hours. With his bleached hair growing out dark at the roots, bright green pants that ended above the ankle, and bright yellow ski-jacket, he resembled a sunflower more than I thought anyone was able.

“Good morning,” I turn to greet them, smiling and tugging down at my black sweater. “Just say if there’s anything I can help you ladies with.”

The one girl looks around at the books, brows furrowed in confusion while her blonde friend burrows around in her purse. 

“Oh, wow, this place looks different than the last time I was here,” the latter notes, and I can almost feel my spirit deflating.

Oh, God, here we go. Any chance she meant a balancing Suzuya Juuzou?

“Quite,” I answer. 

…Had that been a bit snarky? Damn.

My ears pick up the low thrum of music, and I glance to see the blonde boy with his headphones around his neck like an accessory, grinning at me.

“We split into two sections,” I continue, ignoring the hotness of my face, looking away and smiling ever so politely. “Space was getting a bit tight. You’re looking for…?”

“Medical textbooks.”

_Aaaaarghhhh._

“You’ll find our Academic section just outside of the shopping center, on the pavement to the left. I’m sure they have what you’re looking for.”

Yep, there goes the last fragment of my soul. Rest in pieces.

Satisfied with my high degree of customer care, I turn to the boy. He's still grinning. I ready my rhyme and smile politely, ignoring the throbbing pain at my temples. "Say the word if I can help you with anything." 

He crosses his arms, that grin still firmly in place. "How many times a day do you have to say that?" 

I blink. Huh? 

"The Academic store thing. You sound a bit like a robot, dude." 

I chuckle despite myself and rub the back of my neck. "Yeah, I, er, suppose I do." 

We both stand there in a silence longer than any normal pause should be. 

"Can you point me--" 

"Is there anything specif--" 

We both ended up saying that at the same time, and break off in a laugh as we realize it. 

"Sorry," he laughs, waving his hands about. "You first." 

"You're the customer!" I laugh. 

He gasps. "You talk to all your customers like that?" 

I roll my eyes, ignoring my peripheral vision which seems to be Juuzou throwing small something's down at moving target Seidou. 

I mirror his stance by crossing my arms, and I do not back down. He raises an eyebrow and watches me. 

Him: "No? I'm special, then?" 

Me: "I never said you were." 

Him: "You never said I wasn't." 

Me: "Are you here for a book, or a fight?" 

Audacious Him: "Fight Club--trainers available at bookstore near you!" 

Amused Me: "We have that book, if you want it." 

Surprised Him: "They made a book from the movie?" 

Shrugging Me: "Nope, other way around." 

He just makes a small noise of acknowledgement, and I tilt my head. 

"You only sell novels here, right?" 

"Unless they're prescribed for University courses," I answer, frowning softly. What on Earth... 

"I assume you have a favourite?" 

I can feel my shoulders actually fall as I relax into a topic of conversation nobody should breach unless they're ready to receive a list and thorough review of most every book I've read. 

"Of course. Are you looking for a suggestion?" 

"That'd be nice, since I've never actually read a novel in my life." 

I can almost feel my brain hot wiring. "What?!" 

He grins again, and shrugs. "Been busy. Earning a scholarship to Kamii of all places is really, _really_ hard work..." 

I can feel my expression falling. "So you're in a bookstore because...?" 

"Well, if you _must_ know," he sighs, like sharing any sort of information is a burden he is not ready for. "I'm actually looking for a textbook--" 

"You have got to be _kidding me_..." 

"Oh, no, I do not kid." He grins. It's starting to become familiar to me, that grin. "Mind telling me the way?" 

I practically gape at him. 

"I know you heard me when I told them!" I burst out, momentarily forgetting that this is the place I work, and not... well, anywhere else. "Why would you stick around here and stare and grin at me when you already know where to go?!" 

He shrugs, running a hand through his ridiculous hair and slowly backing away to the door. "You only work on this side of the shop, yes?" 

"Well, yes!" 

He waggles his eyebrows at me and I can hardly believe what I'm seeing. "There's your answer." 

He slips out of the door and I swear to the old Gods and the New, I can feel my damn _shoulders_ blushing. 

...It's very quiet in here. 

I look to my right to see Juuzou and Seidou both staring at me. My blush deepens and I frown at them. "Oh, shut up." 

"Didn't say anything..." Seidou says with a mischievous grin I'd only expect from Juuzou who is zipping his mouth shut and giggling. 

"You both suck and I hate you," I grumble and turn my blushing face to the books. The bell rings again, and I turn and-- 

"Never caught your name!" He says, brighter than his clothes. "The name's Nagachika Hideyoshi, but Hide's fine. Yours?" 

"Haise Sasaki," I say, and almost sound uncertain, like I've never introduced myself before in my whole goddamn life. 

"Hai... _sexy _?"__

"HaiSE!" I chirp and he laughs, closes the door behind him, and I want to melt, become part of the floor, and never face my co-workers again. Ever.


	2. See You Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I believe we have a choice in this world about how to tell funny stories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your comments. I keep rereading them because I'm a vain bastard, but a vain bastard in love with all y'all.
> 
> I'm so happy, ignore my rantings, and ENJOY THE CHAPTER! It's long because world-building my bad

Inevitably, I kind of had to face them all again. Smug bastards. Except for Touka. 

You can always rely on Touka to just be her usual mixture of quiet rage and misanthropy. 

“Haise, you gotta take that shit off. People keep asking me about your damn Hogwarts banner and I’m sick—“ 

Ironically, on that exact word, Touka breaks out into a coughing fit. 

This is her first day back in nearly four weeks. She hates being sick, and we all know it. Her eye that isn’t covered with dark purple hair is red and watery, and the almost green-tinge of her skin makes her an especially… _colourful_ sick person. 

Her vocabulary only did to strengthen her ‘colourfullness’, and Shinohara’s only ever complaint that he gave with her work was to lessen her profane linguistic rainbow in front of customers. 

Nishiki, who works buy backs and returns in the Academic shop, had gotten the exact same warning. He had no reservations calling anyone an idiot, including customers. 

He had sworn quite a bit when he had to stand in for us the day Touka took a turn for the worse, seeing as I had to drive her to the hospital. Juuzou still called it ‘Meal to Go Monday’. She nearly passed out at the counter, and I did not quite make it in time with a bucket. 

I have never heard her apologise that much for anything. I had to throw away those shoes, too. 

I never knew anyone had that much… _anything_ in their stomach. It was a harrowing yet surprisingly insightful experience. 

Still, I’d sat with her as she dozed off on my shoulder in the waiting room, and held her hand as she refused to admit being scared of seeing a doctor. The little plastic bucket we usually used to store toys in the Kid’s Corner was on the chair next to her, standing out with its bright jelly bean pattern against the clinical white and blue of any doctor’s office. 

They tried cheering the place up with a plant. It died and just made the place look even more depressing. 

10/10 for effort. 

Her doctor was pretty cool, though. He dubbed her Infectia after his diagnosis—which was _long _, how was she still standing on two feet?!—and promptly commanded of me to take her home.__

Looking at her now, with a tissue nearly permanently attached to her nose, being her mean little self to me from behind that counter, I realize I really did miss her. It’s nice having her back, even if she did just glare and yell at me half the time. My introvert was _dying_ what with having to deal with so many people on my own _all the time_. 

She sees me looking, and glares. 

Sometimes, I’d think she’s just looking at me, with what could maybe be affection, but the moment I look back, her expression would flash freeze and she’d tell me to get back to work. 

“You look terrible, Touka,” I sigh, as honestly and nicely as only a best friend could. 

“Thanks, dipshit.” She sniffs softly, throwing away the old tissue and brandishing a new one, waving it at me like a scorned Southern Lady. “Take your damn banner home.” I mock gasp, moving to shield the banner with my own body. It’s hung by the entrance of the shop, right next to my little Harry Potter display shelf featuring all the shameful memorabilia I wasted my teenage allowances on. 

“Typical Slytherin. Tarnishing that which makes us... I don’t know where I was going with that. But it’s staying. I’ve sold a ton of the new editions because of this banner. _This banner_ is essentially an employee.” 

“An employee I can’t fire…” Touka puffs resolutely, tired eyes looking over my shoulder. “Yeah, yeah, you’ve made your point.” 

She… crumbled quite quickly just then. Usually it takes a lot more grovelling. She’s still looking past me, and her expression looks irritated, so I turn to see who she’s looking at. 

Ah, of course. 

“Morning, Nishiki,” I greet with a smile despite both my superiors looking like they’d woken up on the wrong side of the hemisphere. He leans against the counter, and brings his head down onto it with a bang that sounds like it actually _hurts_. 

He straightens up like he just hadn’t done that. 

Do I ask? 

“Are… are you okay?” I ask despite my better judgement. 

His eyes turn to me, like a serpent spotting its newest prey. They’re red from what I assume is sleep deprivation, and only makes him look more like Lord Voldemort than I’m completely comfortable with. 

Ah, today is the day for Harry Potter references. 

“Oh, I’m fine,” he answers. “Remind me, what day is it again? My nights and days have sort of morphed.” 

Touka scoffs. “Remember when you were proud of that statement.” 

“Making them is easier than keeping them, Touka. They are _killing_ me.” I can actually see the torture in his eyes. “Their internal clock is fucked and I cannot _function_.” 

He slams down his head again, and I simply pat him on the back. There, there. 

I have to give it to him, though; a few months ago, his fiancé gave birth. To twins. The fact that he was still walking around, nearly alive, was a miracle. I’ve seen his kids. They do not stop _screaming_. I’d baby sit only if he paid me triple their weight in books. And maybe not even then. Sanity took precedence over books, right? 

It is tempting, though. 

Touka hit him over the head with a book. He barely stirred. 

“You’re sleep deprived, and I’m sick. Who the hell is going to be doing any work here, asshole?” 

“Haise.” He says into his arms, before looking at me with a mischievous grin. “Or should I say… _Haisexy_?” 

I groan loudly as I have every time they’ve called me that this whole damn week, and Touka chokes on thin air. Nishiki laughs, so hey, guess I did make him feel better after all. But still. 

“Ah, that always cheers me up,” Nishiki says to no one in particular. 

“What did you just call him?!” Touka splutters, her cheeks pink. Did she have a fever, too, now? 

Nishiki continues laughing, slapping a hand down on my shoulder. “Right, yeah, you haven’t heard. A customer put the moves on Sasucki here. Kid was a tomato for days.” 

“Was not!” I protest, accidentally activating tomato mode. 

So what if a cute boy flirted obnoxiously with me?! 

And so what if every time the door opens, I kind of wish it was him again?! 

…Goddamn, Haise, you’re such a dork. 

Touka’s uncharacteristically quiet, her eyes darting from me to Nishiki, from Nishiki to me. I feel the urge to tell her not to do that, because she might just puke her lungs out again. Honestly, I’m so damn concerned. 

_Don’t leave me heeeere._

“That Hide guy looked pretty damn pleased with himself when he strutted in there, too,” Nishiki elaborated, and vainly enough, I actually listen. He hadn’t said any of _this_ before. “He asked me to order him an audio version of his textbook. God knows why. That crap’s expensive, but he didn’t seem to mind. Think he’s some spoiled little rich kid?” 

“No,” I say before I can stop myself. “He mentioned a Scholarship to Kamii. Why audio, though?” I ask that mostly to myself, but out loud, so alas— 

“Don’t really give a shit, kid. Explains the headphones, though. They were so goddamn _orange_.” 

“What the hell are _the moves_?” Touka asks suddenly, tone venomous, eyes trained downwards to some papers I can see she’s not reading. They’re upside down. 

Juuzou’s laughing form the backroom. Seidou probably messed up again. I don’t question it. 

When Nishiki starts narrating the blown-up, hyperboled, fantasized version of my ephemeral meeting with Hide, featuring him apparently handing me a flower, whisking me off my feet and all types of nonsense Touka must _know_ is misconceived as hell, I escape to go make coffee. I know Touka always appreciates coffee, especially when she’s not feeling well, and I could use some caffeine myself. I’m a little scared she’ll throw the hot coffee at Nishiki’s face, but I suppose it’s worth the risk. 

I break off form the conversation without a word, and walk to the back left corner of the shop. 

There, one would find the ‘IT Department’. This so called ‘Department’ consists of half broken computers and equipment in the Hallway of the Dead; a couch that looks descent thanks pretty much purely to Nishiki’s fiancé and well placed cushions; a long desk with Juuzou and Seidou’s work stations pointed so they can stare at anyone entering; and my coffee making haven separated from the rest by surrounding shelves with ancient stock from Head Office. 

I still needed to scan all this crap and get it on the site so that it could maybe _actually_ be bought by someone. The only reason I haven’t, is because of time constraints, and gosh, it’s pretty. They’re mostly hard covers, and they’re really very old. Books printed from before my grandparents were born. It’s already a habit of mine to gently run my hands across their worn spines as I make my way to the kettle. I hadn’t even realized I was doing it until Seidou pointed it out. 

Speak of the devil; “Making coffee?” he asks, leaning against the counter. 

“Yeah, want some?” 

“Please! Your coffee’s the bomb,” he says, and I can feel myself smiling as I put four cups on the counter. 

Of course Juuzou would want coffee. His veins ran thick with energy drinks and caffeine; blood hardly made a dent in it, I’m sure. 

“Nishiki still giving you shit?” Seidou asks. 

I look pointedly at him, with all the actually pointed-ness of a spoon. “You’re the one who told him, Seidou.” 

“Hey, it’s funny! At least I stopped calling you Haisexy like two days ago. People were starting to think we were an item or something.” 

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to make Juuzou jealous,” I tease, feeling a small smirk on my face. 

A suddenly red faced Seidou elbows me. Anger or embarrassment; nobody knows anymore. Glad I’m not the only office tomato anymore, though. Juuzou’s humming to himself, clearly none the wiser. Not that either of these two had any comprehension; nobody spends this much time hating someone to waste it all. There’s usually something driving them, and it’s usually not all that hateful, but quite the opposite. 

“You’re being ridiculous!” Seidou mumbles. I chuckle and continue with the coffee, and he’s quiet for a stretched moment before speaking up again; “Hang on; Nishiki didn’t pull the Customer in Shining Armour thing with Touka now, did he?” 

“I, er, guess he did,” I frown. “Why?” 

Seidou throws his head back and groans loudly. “Ugh, that asshole. He should know better than to taunt her like this.” He brings his head forward and shakes it, moving away from the counter. 

I blink. What? 

Seidou looks at me, and the annoyance in his face falls immediately. “Oh. You don’t know, do you?” 

I shake my head. “Know what?” 

“Oh. Oh, _man_. Nope. This is not my place. This is, like, five skips and a ship ride away from my place.” 

“Seidou, I honestly don’t know what on earth you’re talking about.” 

He bites his lip and shakes his head, waving his hand more than he should to actually seem innocent. “Nah, don’t worry about it. Just thought you knew, is all.” He leaves to go back to his computer, and I’m left there to make coffee with the most confused expression I’m sure I can master. To an outsider, I’m sure it just looks like I’m trying to figure out how a kettle works for the first time in my life. 

A few minutes later, I place his and Juuzou’s coffee on their desk as they’re already bickering over some coding thing I don’t understand. My hands are cold, but I can feel the heat radiating from mine and Touka’s cups. Walking to the counter, I spot Nishiki and Touka arguing in the History section. 

Honestly, can nobody just get along? 

I can’t seem to catch onto what their saying. Usually, their argument can be heard two shops down. What the hell? 

I put her coffee down by her work station as the bell by the door rings. My first thought is sunflowers. 

For some reason, it’s not Hide’s presence that catches me off guard; it’s how early it is. He honestly did not strike me as someone who is up at eight on a Wednesday morning. 

“Good moooorning,” he says, so cheerily that I’m sure Touka didn’t hear because she hates nothing more than morning people, and would probably have chucked a book at him. 

“Hey,” I say, smiling brightly ( _you’re such a noob, play it cool, dude_ ). “What are you doing here?” 

“ _Ouch_ ,” he playfully winces, putting a hand over his heart, still smiling widely. “I see there has been no improvement in your treatment of customers, Haise.” 

_See! Even he uses my real name! Goddamn co-workers._

“I didn’t mean it like that,” I defend quickly, hoping I didn’t actually hurt his feelings. “It’s just early.” 

_And you said you don’t read books. This is still a bookstore._

…Haise, you still work here. 

Shut up, Hope, I don’t need you right now. 

“Right, yeah, I’ve got a class in what—“ he closes one eye, lifts up his wrist and reads the time. “—Thirty minutes or so? And you guys are so close I thought ‘why not’!” 

He’s grinning. It’s practically infectious. 

“What do you study?” I ask, as it is the next natural question one would ask in this situation. Yay, social skills. 

“Criminal Psychology.” 

“What, seriously?” 

“Yeah, it’s _awesome_. I mean, not awesome. Killing people is bad. But it’s very interesting to study why they do it and how they go about it and all that stuff, admittedly. And I’ve been told I have the most trustworthy gut to ever hit Tokyo.” 

“You’re very confident.” 

“ _You’re very cynical._ ” 

“One of us has to be, to cancel out that aura of confidence.” 

“Hey, I’ve been told confidence is attractive!” 

He’s so defensive, it’s adorable. 

I smile over the brim of my coffee. “It is.” 

He leans forward slightly on the counter, his grin now lopsided and way cocky. “And intelligence?” 

“Oh, yeah. Beats confidence any day.” 

“Ah. Is that why shy book nerds are sexy as hell?” 

“You tell me.” 

I AM FLIRTING. 

ALERT SOMEBODY. 

THE PEOPLE MUST KNOW. 

THIS NEVER HAPPENS. 

_I AM FLIRTING._

The steam coming from my coffee fogs up my glasses. Damn, I’d forgotten I’d worn those today instead of my contacts. I look at Hide and he’s just a blurry mess of orange and yellow. 

“Steamy, huh?” 

I nearly spit out my coffee onto the counter. I swallow quickly and don’t bother holding back my laugh, my face clearly red from a grand total of three things; nearly choking, Olympic level blushing, and laughing like an idiot. He’s laughing, too, and it’s a great sound. Definitely making a list of top favourite sounds, that one. 

He actually looks apologetic. “My bad, dude, don’t want you choking on me.” 

I look up at him, and it takes us both another second before we burst out into laughter again. This is what happens when dudes flirt, honest to God. 

We laugh so much, it takes me longer than it should to notice Touka. 

She’s standing in the aisle with Nishiki, and they’re not arguing anymore, just looking at me. It must be the illness, and I must be mistaken, because I’ve never seen Touka upset. 

Sick, yes. Unbelievably pissed off, yes. Screaming at me and berating me for no real reason, sure. But not upset. Not _teary_. 

It hits me like a car swerving to avoid a collision, and crashing into the thing it tried to save anyway. 

_Nobody spends this much time hating someone to waste it all._

 _“Ugh, that asshole. He should know better than to taunt her like this.”_

Oh, crap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear to the seven gods this will not be a love triangle thingamajig
> 
> i swear i've thought this out thoroughly
> 
> i s w e a r
> 
> less Hide than last time, but that will change
> 
> (as usual, un-beta'd and written sleep-deprived. go bananas.)


	3. To Build a Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the heart to be at home, you need to find one first.
> 
> ...Right?

_“Home is where the heart is…”_

Saiko quotes it at breakfast, the pencil between her teeth and dark circles under her eyes as she looks up at at me, the pencil flicking up and down. “What does that mean?” 

The kitchen smells like breakfast; coffee drifts about it lazily, whilst I do the opposite. How I manages to not hurt myself, or burn something, or both, is completely down to practice. When it comes to taking care of the Kids, I'm always busy, and I never mind. Even if I don't get to read as much as I'd like. I know it makes her worry, because she's always doing whatever makes her happy (clearly, this excludes homework). I try not to make her worry. With me worrying about them as much as I do, I don't want to add more to it, or the whole house would be in a perpetual state of worry, and that would just be awful. 

“If you didn't leave your homework to the last minute...” I answer her simply, scooping an egg omelette into a plate for her, pushing it towards her across the counter. “...then you’d have more time to figure it out.” 

I put my hands on my hips, and Mutsuki, sat next to Saiko, nursing his almost finished cup of coffee, can’t help but giggle softly at the sight of me, their maman. With the apron, big round glasses, white-tipped hair and wooden spoon in my hand, I suppose I must look like quite the sight. Old Stern Grandmaman or something. 

Saiko just groans, looking back down at the page and frowning in concentration as if she’s battling an end game boss, not doing overdo homework. Mutsuki had finished it the night before, I know that. The boy had asked for my help, and fretted himself over his pseudo-sister who wouldn't put down her Nintendo DS in exchange for a pen. Her grades aren’t suffering for it, exactly, but Mutsuki’d told me how Saiko’d often gets in trouble for falling asleep in class and not handing in homework on time. I sigh, about as affectionately as a person possibly could. 

“Why are you asking me, anyway?” I ask, then, sitting down next to her at the kitchen counter and peering at her paper, sandwiching her between the two more responsible denizens. “Your English is wonderful, Saiko.” 

“I know what the saying means, as is, I was just thinking about ‘home’, you know?” 

I waver, thinking for a moment. The Kids didn’t really ever know home, did they? I can see that on her face; the sadness that comes from having nowhere to belong. I know it, too. 

“It’s a bit of a silly saying, isn’t it? Your heart doesn’t just stay in one place; you always carry it around with you, obviously.” 

I nudge her softly, shoulder to shoulder, with a smile she returns easily, the sadness slowly seeping from her eyes. Hopefully, that’s enough for now. 

“But I suppose… And excuse me if I get a bit philosophical so early in the morning, but…” I look in front of me, eyes unfocused on the view granted by the kitchen window. Am I doing it to look even more contemplative? Maybe. “Yes, you carry your heart around with you, but it still wants company, right? It yearns and aches for it, right there between your lungs. Perhaps that is simply what is meant? That you can love someone so much that they become your home. That they’re where you keep your heart, because that’s where… it’s safest. They become your warmth, your solitude and company all at once. Taking your heart with you everywhere isn’t very safe, but maybe that’s why you give it to someone else? Maybe that is how somebody becomes your home, so you’ll always have to return to them, because that is, after all, where your heart is, right?” 

I glance at the girl. There’s a soft smile on her lips that reach her tired eyes. She swallows the egg omelette she was chewing dreamily during my little monologue, and nods. “You’re excused. But can I use that?” She waves her pencil about. 

Mutsuki and I laugh softly, and the younger boy nudges me. “Do you read a lot of romances, maman?” 

“Nope,” Saiko answers before I get words out of my already open mouth. “Have you seen his bookcase? It’s tragedies, mostly.” 

“Same difference, isn’t it?” I say, softly, and Mutsuki laughs once more. 

“Mamaaaaan,” Saiko groans. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll stop introspecting." I smile, and it feels nice. This is nice. There's... something missing in the morning routine we've been keeping at for months, but for now, it's nice. It's almost home. "Remember your lunches, okay?” 

They do, each stuffing their lunch boxes into their school bags soon after, before leaving the house with a chorus of ‘goodbyes’ and well wishes for the day. I savour my coffee for a moment before heading out myself, because, you see, I never really could figure out the meaning of home. I’d wondered before, of course, which might be what sparked all that, because… I have a notion, a vague idea of what it could mean, derived from books and stories, but I never truly understood it. 

_Home is where the heart is, huh?_

I laugh, and I realize what's been missing from my mornings; a warm body next to mine in bed as I wake up, groggy good mornings and bright smiles, a kiss on my neck as I make food for the kids, and a kiss before I head off for work. 

There's no face to those kisses, just... a sense of warmth. And no, not just from my face, but from his smile. 

I stop myself before I think too much about who that smile could possibly belong to, and go to work, hoping I'd see it again. Maybe even soon. 

\---

_Later that morning..._

Touka storms out of the shop, slamming the door behind her with so much force I'm scared she breaks the little bell. 

I just know that everyone is looking at me. 

Firstly, though, because priorities, I look at Hide. 

Hide doesn't look nearly as confused as I thought he'd be. Funny, it took him one glance at the situation to figure out something that I've been completely blind to for months. Maybe his gut really is _that_ good. 

Juuzou and Seidou are peeking through the opening in the back door like they're completely invisible, and it even looks like Juuzou's using the other boy as a step ladder. 

Nishiki simply comes strolling along, taking the coffee that I'd made for the woman who had just run off in tears, and sipped at it completely straight-faced. 

Hide and I both sort of gape at him, while the IT Team watch on like it's their favourite Slice of Life anime. 

"What?" Nishiki defends after a second where I'm sure his brain was trying to figure out why he was an asshole _this time_ , his voice going high with his shrug. "I'm not the one that made her cry. Which is an achievement, I guess, since I am the one who was just screaming at her." 

I push my glasses skew as I try to cover my face in absolute shame. I didn't know. How could I not know? She's my best friend and I didn't know. 

I talk into my hands. "I should go after her." 

"Pff, good luck, buddy. You won't be walking away from that without a black eye." 

"Yes, I know." I look between my fingers to see Hide frowning at Nishiki. "Does she always hit people?" 

"Especially Haise. It's kind of in her nature. Like a cat that pounces a running leaf." 

I drop my hands. "Would you mind watching the shop for a second? I really, really should... God, I don't know. I can't say 'I'm sorry', can I? It'd be like rubbing salt in a wound. Did she really have to lo--like _me_ of all people." 

Hide's looking at me like I just insulted his favourite food or something. Nishiki just looks annoyed. No change there. 

Wait. Shit. _Hide._

I don't want to stop talking to him, I really don't. But he can't come with me, and I doubt he'd want to wait here. 

"I, er," I stand there like an idiot and rub my neck like an idiot, _that's_ what I do. Idiotically. 

He waves a dismissing hand. "Dude, I get it. Well, I've not really been in her shoes, but it must suck." 

"Yeah," I agree, running a hand through my hair. "This side of it isn't that great either." 

"I do have one condition, though," he says, holding up a finger. I notice for the first time that he's not wearing a backpack. Shouldn't he be? Didn't he have class after this? 

"Condition?" I ask, idiotically. 

Man, I'm stupid today. 

Hide shifts from one foot to the other, dropping his finger, pocketing his hands, actually looking _nervous_. What on Earth--? 

My face reddens at an impressive speed. No, no, not in front of _Nishiki_ \-- 

He says it so softly I almost don't hear it; "I wanted to ask you for a book recommendation." 

Oh, that... that is not at _all_ what I thought. 

I don't know whether or not to be disappointed. 

"I thought you don't read?" I ask, and I think that might be a bit rude, but he just shrugs. 

"I don't. Doesn't mean I don't like books." 

Nishiki is looking at Hide like he's drunk. 

" _The Black Goat's Egg_ by Sen Tsutsaki," I answer easily (it really is my favourite) as I quickly make my way around the counter to follow Touka. I know she'd run to the bathroom. She doesn't have a car here, so she couldn't just leave completely. 

"Gotcha," he says, smiling that bright smile again, taking his phone out of his pocket to, I assume, make note of it. I rush past them and hesitate at the door. 

"Oh, go on!" Hide laughs, pocketing his phone. "It's not like you'll never see me again. I'm pretty sure I've imprinted." 

I blush and laugh, shaking my head incredulously. How can someone feel so comfortable saying these things? "See you soon, then." 

He stands there and waves me farewell, Nishiki rolling his eyes. I have to concentrate to get the smile off my face before even thinking of talking to Touka.  


Now, in my defense; as oblivious as I was about Touka's feelings towards me, it positively pales in comparison to her ignorance towards Yoriko's unabashed love for her. 

When I realize that Touka's probably in the _girl's_ bathroom, and that I could get into a lot of trouble for going in there, I quickly run back to the shop and try to find her phone. I ignore the slight disappoint of not seeing Hide there. Damn dork, me. 

I don't have Yoriko's number, but she definitely has. And she never locks her phone, just leaves it in her bag in the backroom. I've warned against it before, but her lax security is really helping me out right now. When I rush past Nishiki's, he's sitting with his feet on the counter, and I still don't know how he's not been fired yet. 

Juuzou and Seidou both perk up as I walk through the door. They exchange a _look_ and I leave them to their _looking_. "Whatcha dooooin'~?" Suzuya asks as I search Touka's purse. 

"Looking for her phone," I answer, just as I find it. 

They both look confused. "Don't worry about it," I add quickly. "I just figured out what you meant yesterday, Seidou..." I scroll through her contacts. Yoriko's way at the end. 

"Oh. Oh, shit." 

"Wait, what?" Suzuya elbows the other boy. "Hey, what am I missing out on, no fair!" 

"Ow! It's nothing, I just mentioned some... unresolved feelings." 

Seidou and Juuzou look at each other in pregnant silence, as the phone simply rings and rings in my ear. I have to keep myself from laughing at them; man, what is it about this bookstore that makes people so oblivious? 

"T-Touka liking Haise, I mean," Seidou adds, after Suzuya tilts his head in childlike curiosity, a slight pink dusting both their cheeks. "Obviously. You idiot." 

Ah, back to normal. 

I only reach Yoriko's voice mail, and swear under my breath. 

How could I have seen through Seidou and Juuzou so easily, but completely miss what Touka was feeling? Were the situations not similar? 

No. No, they weren't. Seidou and Juuzou bickered; they had differing opinions, but always looked out for each other; Juuzou had almost killed Touka that time she aimed a book at Seidou, and Seidou's attentiveness for Juuzou's well being is past ridiculous. But Touka? I was never even sure she could stand me, sometimes. She'd berate me out of nowhere and insult me whenever I did anything nice for her. It's no wonder I didn't see it. 

Now, Yoriko, on the other hand; I'd seen Touka at her nicest, being completely and honestly sincere, in Yoriko's company. She had a protective streak for that girl, and I've seen her blush way too many times when Yoriko came in with a homemade lunch for Touka for it to be completely platonic. Yoriko had slipped up in front of me, once, in regards to her feelings about Touka. 

She... she must have known, right? Damn, I must have given poor Yoriko some sleepless nights. 

I didn't see her at the coffee shop this morning, and assumed she'd taken the day or morning off. But if her phone is off, she probably is at work. 

I should go find her. I dart from the shop again, not wishing any of them goodbye. Nishiki looked like he was almost done with Touka's coffee. The douche. 

"Good morn--Oh, Haise!" 

It's Yoriko, and I'm amazed by the sheer amount of emotions that take flash across her face in the mere seconds after registering my presence. 

She knows what happened. She must. It's the only thing that could explain the brief pain I'd just seen in her eyes. 

"Is Touka here?" I ask. 

She nods and I breathe out a sigh of relief. "I need to talk to her. I don't know what she told you, but--" 

"It's okay, Haise," she says, so softly, hugging the menu she was holding to her chest. "It's okay, as long as you're both happy." 

_...What?_

"I mean," she shifts from one foot to the other, looking so small I just want to hug her, but I'm standing there in utter confusion and she continues. "She didn't tell me anything, but I know she... cares about you, so it's okay. As long as you're both happy." 

I blink. "Er, Yoriko?" 

She looks like she's reading herself to take a punch. "Yeah?" 

"You don't know why Touka's here, do you?" 

"She--" Yoriko frowns. "She's crying. She came in here and the only thing she told me was that you knew. She's in the back room, right now. I didn't want to press her because I assumed--" 

"Yoriko, she's here because I was flirting with a boy." 

If my life was a comedy, there'd probably be some shouts of cheer from the audience right about now. I'm red as a tomato, and I cannot believe I just said that out loud, and the look on Yoriko's _face_. 

"So you're not--?" 

"Straight? I'm going to need a full sentence here." 

"In love with her?" 

I laugh. It's probably very rude, and wrong of me, but maybe my life really is a comedy. 

"No. She's my best friend, and incredibly mean to me." 

That gets a laugh out of Yoriko. I'm so glad. "Yeah, she is a bit, isn't she? I'm probably the only person she's ever nice to." 

"Yeah, and I wouldn't ignore that, if I was you." I give her a pointed look and she blushes. I smile, and continue; "Tell her to come back, please? I don't want to hang around the shop on my own again, it's horrible having to greet everyone that comes in. But she can take as much time as she needs, okay? Just... tell her I was here, and that I'm worried, and hell, tell her how you feel for her, just to brighten her day." 

She's really, really red, so I smile, wave her goodbye, and go back to work. Nishiki leaves with a simple grunt. When Touka comes back, she looks tired, and I hug her, despite the danger to my immune system, and I apologise. What else can I do? 

"It's not your fault, dummy..." she murmurs against my shoulder, and I would kill anyone who hurt her. 

"Oh, that's a first..." I hum in return and she laughs, and I wonder what Yoriko said, but I don't ask. She'll tell me. 

The bell signals the arrival of a customer, and we break apart and smile shyly at the woman. Touka wipes at her eyes, and smiles, dazzling, and absolute muscle memory. "Welcome to Anteiku. How can I help you, today?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT TOOK LONG MY BAD
> 
> BUT LOOK AT HOW MUCH I WROTE GUYS I'M SORRY I love you
> 
> I wrote another fic??? That I have plans for??? With about as much fluff as a house full of kittens??? Feel free to check it out! It's literally the only other one on my profile. :3


	4. Lovely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If laughter is the best medicine, doesn't that make a comedian the best doctor you could ask for?
> 
> In any case, the person who said that has obviously never been stabbed in the stomach. Laugh that one off, buddy."

The boy walks up to his aunt, and I know it’s me, but I’m there, watching it happen. His (my) fingers are gripped securely around the hardcover pressed to his (my) chest. 

_That’s you, Haise. Let it be you._

I take a deep breath, and that’s me. That little boy, with his thrumming, erratic heartbeat, is me and I'm unsure why I keep trying, but she's my mother's sister, they must be the same, somewhere inside. And mom... If I go home and tell her auntie liked it, it might make her smile. At least, I hope so. 

Hope is a lonely concept, but it's all I can hold onto. 

That, and my books. 

She looks up at me, the boy, and before I can allow myself to think too much about anything in her expression, I open the book, where I’ve kept the piece of paper with my words on them, and read; 

_"Everywhere, it's the same_  
_The tide comes in,_  
_the tide goes out_  
_and disappears in the sand_  
_The sun doesn't know why_  
_and the moon offers no answers_

_About this, nobody would pen a poem_

_But then something happens_  
_something sudden, almost overnight_  
_and you wake up with lead shoes_  
_and hands of breath_  
_a feeling that rises up in you_  
_as a thick fog would_  
_in a cemetery_  
_in the softest rain_  


_Sometimes, I think that you and I_  
_can save each other from this;_  
_this growing gravity,_  
_swiftly dodging death's hall_  
_but we are already old oaks_  
_kept apart by a tearful stream_  
_that will meet itself in the sea_  
_to come in,_  
_and go out_  
_and disappear in the sand."_

At first, she says nothing, just looks away from her tea and at me with a sharp expression of irritation, and complete comprehension. 

"Did you write this?" she asks him, and I nod. 

"Why do you write these things?" Her voice is cold, and detached, as she snaps at the little boy, at me, as she was so accustomed to. "What will you do when you really lose someone? Are you simply preparing yourself for pain?" 

* * *

I close the book, and take a deep breath. 

Okay, I did not ask for childhood flashbacks while I was at work, no sir-e. 

If I didn't need to rearrange this section, I never would have even touched the thing. And I truly never had again, after that… warm and nostalgic little conversation with my aunt. It was the only book of my dad's that he let gather dust. All because it was the book I had been holding. It seemed a bad omen, now, after everything that happened with my mother, and not something I want to linger upon any longer. 

I place it in the correct order, and carry on.

* * *

The first thing I think when I get home is; _I should have asked for his number._

Even if Nishiki was standing right there and would never let me live it down, and Suzuya would have whooped from the back room, I should have asked for his number. 

The second thing I think when I get home is; _My Lord, is it quiet._

I frown at Saiko and Tooru's bags, lying negligently in the hallway. They're definitely home... Are they napping? They never nap. Saiko hardly sleeps. The house looks empty. 

I peek into their rooms, and they're not there. Saiko isn't wearing obnoxiously large earphones and controlling some character on her computer screen, and Mutsuki isn't behind his desk, drawing or working or reading. 

It's irrational, but not, so I feel the panic boiling up in me. Where could they be?! Did.... Did someone-- 

_Did they find them?_

My breathing is quick, and I throw open door after door; the bathroom, my room, my bathroom, the study, but there they are. 

I take a moment, and just look at them, tears stinging my eyes. Saiko's blue hair is strewn across her face, but even through that, I can see a relaxed expression, and the soft hairs blowing up and down from her mouth. She's sleeping. 

And Tooru--! 

He's... he's just reading. 

In my chair, by the large window, he's curled up on the couch with a book, his eyes on me from what must have been the second I barged in. Saiko doesn't stir, and Mutsuki quickly, and silently, gets up from the chair. I worried him. I can see it in his eyes, before he reaches me and hugs me. I shut my eyes tight and will thoughts away. 

_"It's a perfect life. Just forget about... the other one."_

_"Smooth, Amon."_

_"Hey!"_

_"Really, though. Just be Sasaki Haise, and everything will be fine, we promise."_

I hug Mutsuki tighter, my eyes still on Saiko. "I won't let anyone hurt you ever again. Okay?" 

He pulls back, looking at me with those large green eyes. "I know that. You okay, Maman?" 

"Yeah," I smile quickly, ruffling his hair before turning him around to follow my gaze. Enough doom and gloom. "Do you see it, Tooru? Quick, before it wakes up... the rare sight of the slumbering Yonebayashi." 

Saiko lets out a breathe that's almost, almost a snore. Tooru's got his hand over his mouth and frowns at me accusingly. But I see the smile, anyway. 

"She's not feeling well," Tooru whispers, then, moving his hand to form a ‘barrier’. "She's going outside a lot more because of Pokemon; you'd think it'd be good for her health, but she keeps forgetting to put on a sweater." 

* * *

When I wake up the next morning, I feel like death. My head is spinning and my limbs are heavy; my throat is burning and I really shouldn’t have hugged Touka. 

Saiko, surprisingly enough, keeps moaning about not going to school. I scold her (lovingly) and request (strictly, affectionately) that she stay in bed. Her fever is running; I can even feel it through mine. 

Tooru, even though I can see there’s nothing wrong with him, asks to stay at home, too. Frankly, he looks terrified at the prospect of going to school without Saiko, and it makes my heart feel very uncomfortable in my chest. God, I hope everything’s okay. Tooru’s not the type to share his problems openly (makes me wonder whether he got that from me), but if something is really wrong, he’ll tell me, right? 

I make some extra food for them to eat during the day, and make it to work just on time. Going to work like this might be a horrible idea, but I feel too bad leaving Touka alone with the shop. Even if her co-worker would be a zombie, at least she'd have someone there with her. 

When I walk in, Touka is busy counting the cash register, and looks up at me, raissing the one eyebrow I can see. “Wow, you look like shit.” 

I’m sure I do, so I don’t argue. “Yeah, I’ll work on that.” 

She puts the cash she was holding in the till and slams it shut, leaning towards me from over the counter. “Damn, I didn’t pass on my bug to you, did I?” she reaches out and touches my forehead, and her hand is really cold. 

And that, ladies and gentleman, is the start of a truly horrible day of work. 

The customers are horrible and just plain mean, and books slip out of my hands like I forget I'm holding them. I take off my sweater, because I'm getting hot, and then five minutes later I need to put it on again because I am _freezing_. I sound like a broken elephant with how much I need to blow my nose, and it's no damn use; the barricades are impregnable. I take a five minute break in the IT department, and end up falling asleep on the couch. Of course, when I wake up, I’m covered in random crap the wonderful inhabitants of the back room obviously threw at me. Random pieces of paper, rubber bands and… a tissue? 

“Go home, dude,” Seidou says from behind his computer screen, leaning to the side so I can see his grin. “You’re useless when you’re half-dead, anyway.” 

“Mmm, no,” Suzuya adds, tilting his head, feet up on the table. “He’s like three-quarters dead. Minimum. I mentioned Sen Takatsuki and he didn’t even stir.” 

“And the ambulance isn’t here yet?!” Seidou gasps, and Suzuya laughs, throwing his head back. I’ll miss ‘em, but yeah, maybe I should go home. 

* * *

A text message wakes me up, and I realize I fell asleep the minute I reached my bed. I’m still wearing my coat, and the phone vibrates from one of the pockets. It takes my bleary mind a few moments to actually reach the text, and a few more to comprehend it.

There's an incredibly odd feeling bubbling up in me. 

And no, it's not the flu. 

Although, that, too. 

I throw my arm over my eyes. I need a shower. One of those 'rethink your life while hot water washes away your sins' showers. I'm not seriously considering Juuzou's offer, am I? 

I text him back, my phone only falling on my face once. 

  
  


I throw my phone down next to me, ashamed of myself. Deeply. I sigh, trying to will away my smile. Nope, it's still there. Godammit.

I quickly go check on the kids before taking that shower, opting for long pyjama pants and no shirt (that should balance it out, right?) and getting into bed, lying on my side, and staring at my phone. I copy the number-- _his number_ \--Juuzou sent and create a contact. 

_Hide._

His number is on my phone and it shouldn't make me this happy. When did I turn into a teenage girl? 

I manage to type out a message. That's good. Great, even. 

Oh, man, it's so shitty. 

I pull the trigger, sending it, and barely blinking as I wait for a response. Unbelievably, I get one. And it's not even close to what I expected; although, this is Hide we're talking about, so I shouldn't be too surprised. I laugh out loud alone in my room. 

It's only after I send him my Skype details that I realize I'm in bed. And practically naked. 

I almost fall off my bed in my panic to get my laptop out from under my bed. I open it, open Skype, and see myself in that tiny little window, looking sick and pale and _oh god this was a terrible idea_. 

I look around for a shirt. 

Too late. Incoming call from _'Hideyeshi'_. 

I answer it, and wow, I'm laughing, because that is one _terrible_ pun. I hate how much I love puns. 

Big brown eyes light up at my appearance, and I feel my breath hitch in my throat. He looks so damn _happy_. He's wearing the same bright orange headphones I'd seen him with that first time (one off his ear, for him to hear me, I assume), a clearly Pikachu themed hoodie, and a bright smile I can't quite believe is directed at _me_. 

"Hey, what's so funny?" he asks, and I can see his eyes glancing towards something else. His entire body is directed towards it, and I think it's where he's gaming. If I'm right, all he's done is put his phone up against something, and now there's just a tiny me on his desk while he's playing... something? Damn, I'm not Saiko. If only I knew more about video games to impress him. 

"Hide _yesh_ i? That's horrible, and you know it."

He bursts out laughing. "Oh, yeah! Forgot that's what I called myself." He bites down onto his tongue, then, in concentration as he leans forward to his computer screen. 

I stay quiet for a moment, feeling myself blush softly when I realize that all I'm doing is staring at him. "I can really talk to you another time, if you're busy?" 

"Pish posh," he says, freeing a hand to wave it at me dismissively, eyes still on his game. "This might be one of the rare times I don't talk your ears off, Haise, you might wanna cherish it. Tell me about yourself! I swear, I'm listening. I'm solo-mid, and it's bots. Just helping a friend practice team strategies, no biggie." 

I shake my head. "Wow, I should introduce you to Saiko. She'd love you." 

"Saiko?" 

"Oh, uhm, she's one of my kids. She games so much I can hardly get her to sleep." 

Hide, God bless him, raises an amused eyebrow at me. "One of your kids? You have kiddies, Haise?" 

"I suppose," I say, rubbing the back of my neck. His gaze lingers on me. "I'm actually their guardian, it's a long story..." I bite down on my lip. How much do I tell him? 

"Well, I'd love to meet her," he says, seemingly changing the subject so I wouldn't _have_ to elaborate. "Gamers are always welcome in my book. It's a very--Oh, shit, son, 360 no scope!" He whooped and I laugh at his enthusiasm. I cough then, like my body's reminding me why I'm in bed in the first place. 

"You okay there?" he asks, and I look up to see such utter sincerity in those eyes that I can even feel myself blush. I see his lips quirk, but I just nod. 

"Yeah, sorry." 

"Don't sweat it. You sick off work or something?" 

"You guessed it. Touka must have given me whatever she had, and now here I am. Knock, knock, knocking on death's door." I let out an elaborate sigh that makes him laugh softly. 

"You're all set, though? Got medicine and everything?" 

I frown softly, amused. "I don't know many people who get so easily invested in other people's troubles. Do you always do that?" 

He ponders it for a second, and I watch his eyebrow knit with apt attention. "It's like a merry-go-round, you know? Or one of those things at parks that goes round and round the faster you push and run?" 

I laugh, because I have no idea what he's on about, and shake my head for emphasis. He tilts his head and pinches his chin, and even through a computer screen and my ill haze, it's endearing as hell. 

"Well, you don't feel the planet spinning, do you? It's too big, you don't notice it. But it's going faster than you can even believe, and I think that's how we feel about the world in general. It's too big a problem to solve, and sometimes, you can even forget about it. But your own problems? Hell, yeah, you worry about them. You're spinning on that roundabout, and the more you worry about it, the more dust you kick up and the faster you're going until all you can do is hold on and hope it stops." 

He pauses. Wow, I never would have pegged him for the contemplative type. 

"Basically, I like throwing myself on other people's roundabouts." He shrugs. "Mine ain't going so fast, I don't need to worry about it now. It's quite sad, though. Not everyone holds out their hands for you to get on with them. They suffer alone, with no one to help them slow it down. So you bet I'm getting on that roundabout of yours, buddy." 

I smile, and I can feel it on my face, and it's incredibly genuine. 

"You're... different, you know." I say, because I feel like it needs saying. "I feel like I've just caught a glimpse of some near-extinct animal I need to nurture." 

He's blushing, and grinning, but just shrugs, eyes on his game. "It's the Pikachu jacket." 

"Yeah, that must be it." 

I can't help but cough again, bringing both our attentions back to the matter at hand. _He groans in clear concern. " _Tell me_ you're at least getting the kids to bring you a constant barrage of offerings?" _

I laugh. "No such luck. They're not feeling so well, either." 

"Woah, House of the Dead. Forgive me if I don't stop by." 

"Consider me deeply offended." 

Hide looks at me like he's about to say sorry, but laughs when my expression gives me away, and I join him. What is it with him? I never laugh this much. 

"Oh my _Gooood_ , it's called Support for a reason! Gimme a sec, Haise, I need to lead my troops." 

"No worries." 

He puts on his headphones, and immediately sounds like some sort of War General. He uses terms I don't understand, but I still find my attention to be completely fixated on him. The hair by his ears and on top of his head are standing at odd angles because of the headphones, and God, his hoodie looks so comfortable. 

Are those golden locks as soft as they look? I can't help but imagine it; his weight on my chest as I run my hand lazily through his hair, from the dark roots to the bleached tips, no sound in the room but our slow breaths. I can't imagine what he smells like, but I find myself wanting to know. 

...When did I start thinking like that? I never think like that. And I've had hardly three conversations with the man, and my brain is already throwing domestic scenarios at me. Like... well, yesterday morning, when I had struggled to not put a face to the person I can imagine waking up to. It... It really is a nice image, though, isn't it? 

Somewhere in that daydream, and I don't realize it at all, my eyes close, and I drift off to sleep with his voice drifting through my laptop's speakers.

* * *

I don't know how much later I wake up, but my position has hardly changed. I'm still on my back, with the laptop open on my legs, and to my absolute horror, Hide's still on my screen. 

I just--! Oh, _God_ I'd fallen asleep in the middle of a skype session with Hideyoshi Nagachika. 

The same Hideyoshi Nagachika who's still wearing those headphones, and leaned over his desk, writing things down and glancing at an open book my his left arm. He... he kept me on call. 

I blush so red that I think there's an error message on my screen, but no, it's just my own video feed. 

I feel like crawling in under my covers and never coming out again, ever. 

He looks up, and grins, toothy and bright, and my brain is too sleepy and sick for these levels of cute. 

"Good eeeevening, sleepy head. My, my, that is some _fantastic_ bedhead you've got there." 

I take my pillow, and press it to my face. This is it. I want to die. 

"Hey, no fair! I was enjoying the view!" 

"Hide!" I hear myself squeak, muffled by the pillow that I'm eighty percent sure is going to catch fire soon. 

"Not in a creepy Edward Cullen way, though. I swear. I was only staring when you were _consensually conscious_. Just didn't have the heart to drop the call, man." 

I remain behind the pillow. This pillow is my new home. 

"If you come out, I'll take off my shirt and have a nap? Then we're totally even." 

When I peek up over the pillow, he's grinning, but I see it; that slight pixelated blush on his cheeks. I'm not alone in my blushing, dammit! 

"Not funny." 

"It is a little bit." 

"If laughter is the best medicine, doesn't that make a comedian the best doctor you could ask for?," Hide muses, the smile not leaving his face. "In any case, the person who said that has obviously never been stabbed in the stomach. Laugh that one off, buddy." 

"Wait, you've been stabbed in the stomach?" 

"Nope! I can imagine, though." 

I shake my head incredulously, and suddenly feel incredibly guilty. "Uuugh, I'm so sorry I fell asleep." I rub at my eyes. "I must be sicker than I think I am." 

When I look at him, those honey coloured eyes almost melt me down. They're filled with so much warmth my fever develops an inferiority complex. 

"I'm okay, though. Really." I find myself assuring him, rubbing at my arm. 

He smiles, softly. We stay in comfortable silence for a minute, before he speaks again. I was just staring at him again, wasn't I? "Hey, Haise?" 

My voice is stupidly soft. "Yeah?" 

"You're very cute when you're deliriously sick and all, but you need to get some rest, okay? Proper rest. I'll text you in the morning, okay? If you don't answer, I'll assume you're dead, interrogate your co-workers for you address, and barge in there guns blazing. Okay?" 

He's ridiculous... "Okay..." 

"Great! I'm going to hung up now--" 

"Er, Hide?" 

"Hmm?" 

"You're pretty cute, too. Just, er, so you know." 

He's blushing, and it's wonderful. "Good night, Sacutie." 

"You, too, Hidorable."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> skype and random text iphone generator thingies do not belong to me
> 
> the shitty stuff in between; aw yeah that's all my shiz mmm yeah bby
> 
> two chapters in less than two days don't get used to this I'm serious
> 
> have fun imagining Hide in dis: http://tinyurl.com/jqxu38t


	5. Boats & Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hide is a little whore, Haise repeatedly drops a vegetable, and the kids ship it hard.

I wake up with something rectangular stuck to my face and absolutely no intention of opening my eyes anytime soon. I’m stuck between consciousness and that odd haze where you try to differentiate stray thoughts and dreams from facts. My response to this is to groan and burrow deeper into my burrito. 

_Heh_. I giggle meekly at myself. _Flu-rrito_. 

My cheek vibrates, letting out a high-pitched, repetitive tone and— No, that’s not my cheek. 

A phone is a thing that exists, Haise. Acknowledge that existence. 

I do, reaching out for it and finding it with my fumbly, sweaty hand. It’s the alarm. 

_Oh, God, no._

I swipe it with my eyes closed, very used to doing so on a daily basis. I open my eyes slowly. The bright light of the screen burns my eyes and I squint at it until I get the screen dimmed. I text Touka. Just your average ‘I feel like death is feeding me grapes whilst we tour the River Styx and if I come to work I will pass out and die’ text, but in my fewer words because _tired_ and _sick_ and _goddammit, the kids._

I sit up and it can’t _possibly_ be that cold outside of the covers, it must be me. I know my eyes are open, but I sat up too quickly and I blink away blackness, shaking my head and steadying myself with my right arm. Maybe getting out of bed isn’t the best idea. 

They’ll be fine, right? There’s… cereal. 

I fall asleep in the middle of trying to imagine how Saiko making cereal could possibly result in a fire. 

* * *

I wake up, and the house is still standing and noticeably not aflame. I manage, with heavy limbs and a lot of self-pitiful moaning, to drag myself into a shower. I stand under the water for a long time, essentially feeling sorry for myself. 

I’m such a damn wimp. 

With everything I’ve gone through, a flu should _not_ put me out this much. But here we are. 

After putting on the literal most comfortable clothes I own (a ridiculously big and soft white hoody, grey sweatpants, fluffy socks and an age old t-shirt), I rummage around in the bathroom. There’s a wicker cupboard of sorts, with four drawers, and I’m looking in the third one from the top, because that’s the Medicine Drawer, and there has to be something. 

Mutsuki stumbles into the bathroom, giving me a what feels like a small heart attack. His eyes are droopy and he sniffs. House of the Living Dead, Hide said, right? Something like that. He wasn’t far off. 

“I heard you in here… Wanted to…” He sneezes. “Help…” 

I chuckle softly to myself, straightening up ( _sloooowly_ ). “You’ll help me by staying in bed, okay?” 

“But Maman’s sick, too,” he says, and coughs, and my heart warms at the sight of him in his pyjamas, offering me help when he can barely stand straight. I see he’s not wearing his binder, so there’s no need for me to reprimand the boy. Oh, how many long nights of studying I’ve had to talk to this boy about the health of his ribs. I walk forward and feel his forehead. 

“Maman will get all better if his kiddies do, I promise.” 

He nods and I let my hand fall. He wobbles a bit before going back to his room. 

That’s… all I needed. 

As bad as I might feel, they feel it too, and them feeling it is worse, because I have this bad habit of loving my kids more than myself. 

I don’t have to look for long before finding the medication and take them what they need, putting it down silently on both their bedside tables with a glass of water and without a sound. I open the kitchen cupboard to look for soup ingredients when my phone chirps from my room. 

_Hide?_

I shake my head at myself, scoldingly. I can’t get attached this damn quickly, can I? I rush to my bedroom as quickly as I can without hurting myself in the process. 

Sure enough… 

I outright laugh, shaking my head in bemusement. I start texting back, but I can’t text when I’m making soup, dammit… I glance out the door, to where the kids and the kitchen await. 

_The children; they need me._

Because my room is meticulously organized ( _just ignore the books everywhere, okay_ ) I find my earphones, put one of the buds into my ear, the jack into my phone, and press call. 

I’m calling him. 

Is this forward? I’ve never just called someone for no particular reason…? 

It barely rings. 

“YO, HAISE!” 

I bite down on my lip, the corners of my lips acting on their own volition. His voice reverberates through my ears and I have to blink away how it full-on assaults my headache. Apparently I pause for too long, because he continues; 

“Er, Haise?” He asks in a noticeably softer tone. “Shit, yeah, sorry, forgot you were sick. … You’re not really dead are you? Hellooo from the other side, dude.” 

I laugh, playing with the other bud between my fingers. “Oh, you’ve never been contacted by a ghost?” 

“Aaah! A ghost!” I can hear him laugh. 

“Yeah, who knew they covered séances in my cellular plan?” 

“Mmm, well good thing they did, or I would be horribly lonely right now.” 

I’m already in the kitchen, my phone in my pocket. “So you don’t mind me calling, then? Sorry, I have to make food for the kids and y’know, hands.” 

“Nooo! Not the kids, too! Wait, you have to make your own food in Heaven? No angels conjuring up hamburgers?” 

I roll my eyes, smiling softly down at the ingredients I managed to gather. “Mmm, the work never ends…” 

I can’t make out anything that’s going on on his side; it sounds quiet, he’s definitely alone, but I hear typing… maybe? He might be gaming again? Before I can ask-- 

“So what’s cookin’, good lookin’?” 

I drop the onion I’m holding. “Soup,” I squeak, trying to salvage the onion At least it didn’t fall on the floor. “N-Nothing fancy.” 

The low moan he makes on the other side of the phone is not fair at all. “That sounds _diviiine_. My last three meals were cheerios. I’m telling you, it’s great, but it gets real old, real fast.” 

“You really should eat properly, you know,” I say, my voice soft and my face flushed, and realize I sound very much like Seidou scolding Suzuya. Dammit. 

“What, like soup?” 

“It’s a start.” 

“Mmm, are you offering?” His voice drips with mirth and I just— 

_Clonk._

“Stop flirting with me! I keep dropping this damn onion!” 

I hear him laugh again, and his laugh is great, so that’s okay, I’ll keep dropping the damn onion. 

“Maman?” 

I’m confused as to why Hide would call me that for a split second, before realizing it’s coming from a mess of blue hair and Batman pyjamas in the doorway. Why can’t they both just stay in bed, dammit?! 

“Maman, why are you talking to yourself?” 

“I’m not talking to myself, sweetie,” I say, and she frowns, eyes locking in on my earphones. 

“Haise, did you just call me sweetie?” 

“Shit, not you, Hide!” 

Saiko tilts her head while I hear Hide chuckle evilly over the phone. “Who’s Hide?” 

“He’s nobody--” 

“Rude!” 

“--Just go back to bed, okay, I’ll bring the soup in a second.” 

“I’m in bed already, Haise.” Hide freaking sings from the other side of the phone. 

I cannot talk to two people at once, dammit! 

Hide continues: “But if you wanted to join me--” 

Saiko nods and goes without much protest. 

“Hide!” I squeak, my face red, Saiko looking back at me with a knowing expression. Oh, Lord. 

* * *

Hide’s on my computer screen again, and after some serious reprimanding from him to take care of myself (“Do it for the children, Haise.”), I’ve practically been in bed without fail for hours. And hey, he’s been keeping me company. It’s not _all_ bad, being sick 

“I would order you pizza or something,” he says, headphones adorning his neck again. “But then I’d need your address, and that is creepy as heck.” 

I scoff, amused. “This is based on the idea that I’d let you buy me--a complete stranger--pizza.” 

“That’s how you get complete strangers to like you! And we’ve been talking for days now, Haise. I’m offended you don’t consider me your best friend by now.” 

I laugh, and he’s smiling and it’s a smile that makes his eyes just… come to life. “You know,” he adds, then. “That would be the weirdest date I’ve ever been on.” 

I blink, my face quickly heating up. “Huh?” 

“Pizza and a Skype call,” he says, grinning and sitting back in his desk chair. “To hell with Netflix and chill, this— _this!_ —is the real date of the 21st century!” 

I gawk. “It’s not much of a date if I’m in bed!” 

He lasts two point five seconds before bursting out into laughter. 

I blush furiously and pretend I need to go to the bathroom to splash water on my face. 

I’m about as cool as the surface of the sun. 

* * *

“My dude, you gotta help me.” 

I look up from my book. I still can’t quite believe this arrangement; he’s been working on an essay on the other side of the screen, asking me grammatical questions every now and then as I read my book. Sometimes I look up and he’s nibbling on his lip, or abandoned his headphones to hang around his neck for optimal concentration, and I find myself looking for longer than I should. 

He caught me staring once, and just winked before I hid myself behind my book again. 

The covers are drawn up to under my arms, and I set the book down dramatically, moving my glasses up to my forehead. 

“Oh, what is it this time…” I sigh with as much faux exaggeration as I could muster. 

He pouts and I crumble, laughing softly. 

“No, seriously, Hide, what is it?” 

He doesn’t need much prompting, and rambles on. “Look, I need a thesis statement and I just cannot tell the difference between a really long topic sentence, and a very factual, long-ass paragraph…” 

In the end, we share our emails and edit his essay together on Google Drive. That is, when the little video feed box of him doesn’t fatally distract me. 

And I do mean fatally. He’s going to smile that little smile at me again and I am going to _die_. 

* * *

“You know, I don’t wanna say ‘I told you so’ but—“ 

“Shhh, Maman, we’re bonding.” 

“Saiko, look at my wallpaper!” 

Hide turns his phone so it’s pointed at his screen. It reads; “Place a Ward, Save a Life.” I don’t understand it at all, but Saiko’s ‘ooh’ing and ‘aah’ing and I want to be cool too, dammit. 

“Listen, Papa, you have to give me your Steam ID.” 

For as frozen as Hide is (and if it wasn’t for his blinking, I’d be worried about the video feed actually having stopped streaming completely) he is completely red. “Did you just call me Papa, Saiko?” 

She giggles, types something into the messenger, and runs out of the room, and I’m in fucking shock. 

“Saiko!” I stutter when I realize I have a voice again. I check the chat and she’s typed ‘ _Otakubayashi_ ’ next to a short string of letters. What is it with puns these days?! 

“Hide, let’s pretend she didn’t call you that.” 

“T-That girl is evil.” 

“Agreed.” 

* * *

“Hide, what is that?” 

“This--my naïve, beautiful Haise--is cake,” he gestures dramatically to the bowl in front of him. “Smothered in glorious custard, and mixed together in a…a… conglomeration! Of divine _flavour_.” 

“You’re insane.” 

“You know you want some.” 

“I _do not_.” 

“You want some fluffy chocolate cake, don’t lie to me.” 

“Noo _oooope_.” 

“Mmm, this custard is _the shit_.” 

“Aw, come on, Hide, I can’t leave the house! Stop tempting me!” 

“Hah! I knew you wanted some!” 

I groan, and he moans loudly and ridiculously enough that the thought of Hide moaning doesn’t make me blush. Much. 

“Hide, stoooop.” 

“Mmmmmm~” 

“I’m in quarantine, I can’t--!” 

“Oh, but you _want it—_ “ 

“I do, and you’re a horrible person—Oh, my, God, stop moaning like a whore!” 

Hide seems to think that’s an incredibly funny statement, and bursts into laughter before going back to loud, horribly obscene and ridiculous moaning. 

That, of course, is when _I_ start laughing. He manages to keep it up for a while, tonguing the spoon. It should be sexy, and really, under any other circumstances, I’d be a wreck. 

“Maman?” 

Tooru peaks into the room, and my stomach hurts from laughter. “Oh, he-hey, love.” I wipe tears from my eyes, and whatever composure I have is completely out of the window as Hide shrieks. 

“Oh, my God, I’m so embarrassed! Haise, we can’t scar the kids like this!” 

Tooru blushes. “Maman, I, er, I don’t know where you put my pills…” 

“Close the door, Haise, come on, man, spare me my dignity!” 

I let my finger hover dramatically over the keyboard. “I have a mute button, and I will use it.” 

“Did you just quote Sherlock in the middle of sexy times!?” 

“This is not—“ but I’m laughing again, and I stand up, putting the laptop on the bed and watching Hide laugh on the monitor. “You idiot…” 

Standing in the doorway, looking as shy as can be, Tooru crosses his arms over his chest and waves awkwardly at Hide. “Nice to meet you, Hide.” 

Hide immediately perks up, like a dog being told that snacks are waiting. “Haise mentions me?” 

Tooru smiles softly. “Yeah, Saiko says you play Civilization 5 like you’re cheating…” 

“Aww,” he actually coos. 

“Of course, Maman mentions you, too.” 

My eyes widen. “Tooru!” 

“He’s usually blushing and calling you Sunflower.” 

“Do people have mute buttons?!” 

Hide’s cackling. “Oh, Tooru, I like you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god shit this took long


	6. I Do Adore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello, how are you, my darling today?  
> I fall into a pile on the floor  
> Puppy love is hard to ignore  
> When every little thing you do, I do adore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse honestly
> 
> I might not be on perfect form right now but I hope you guys enjoy regardless
> 
> have some fluff and promises of angst
> 
> ((seriously this switches from rainbows and butterflies to serious and back and then again real fast))
> 
> also I am real vague about Haise's past sorry not sorry

"You're going back to work today, right?"

The laptop is plugged in next to the toaster, and Tooru is yawning over his bacon. I turn to the Rift (Well, that's what Saiko likes to call it, because, and I quote, "It's like... it's just a window into the other person's world more than a Skype call. Skype calls END, you know.") and Hide's just carrying on with his routine, leaning with a cup of coffee against his kitchen counter, and it's almost, _almost_ domestic. 

I... really should have invited him over by now, I know that. Or at least mentioned meeting up... But it's like an unspoken line that I'm scared to cross, I guess? For some reason, we can be as honest and open as we want if it's through a computer screen, and hell, I don't know what I'm being so nervous about, since every time I've seen the guy in real life, we've flirted like there's no tomorrow and I did NOT spontaneously combust. 

I have to remind myself that it's for a very, _very_ good reason that I'm keeping my distance. A reason I feel instantaneously guilty about, but push aside for now to answer Hide's question. 

"Unfortunately. As much as I enjoyed lounging around in bed with you all day." 

"Not in front of the children, Haise." 

Yep, these jokes have been ongoing. I don't think my heart can take it much longer. 

He continues, while I try my best not to turn these sunny-side ups into scrambled eggs; "Do you, er, mind if I come visit you?" 

I blink, and smile before I can think about it. "Of course not! I mean, of course I don't mind." 

"Cool!" Hide's smile is just... It turns my brain and my stomach into mush. "What time do you want me?" 

_Warning: Blush increased tenfold. Innuendo spotted. Abort, abort._

"When you show up, I'll take lunch, so no worries." My voice is higher than usual. I cough quickly. Goddammit. "We can have coffee? If, er, if you want to, that is." 

Tooru and Saiko look up from the respective tasks--eating, and catching up on late homework, _again_ \--to grin at me. 

"Oooh, Maman has a date!" Saiko coos, and Hide has the decency to look abashed. _Darn children._

"Cool. I'll catch you between classes. Speaking of which--" He leans forward, eyes fixed on the corner of his screen, his face taking up the entire screen and making my heart skip a beat for a second."--Yep, time for me to be off! See you later, Haise!" 

"See ya," I mumble awkwardly, before he disconnects. 

...They're still grinning at me. I hide my blush behind my cup; well, I try. 

"What?" I ask softly, and frown when they both stand up--like they planned this--and hug me from both sides. They stay quiet and I blink, holding my coffee in front of my face, now too scared to move for fear of spilling all over their school clothes. 

"We want you to be happy, Maman," Saiko says, so softly that I barely hear her, and my heart constricts almost painfully. 

"I know you're scared," Tooru adds, in about the same register. "You've... We've all been through a lot, but that doesn't mean we don't get to be happy." 

"And we are, Maman. You saved us, and you're still here and..." Saiko squeezes, and my heart is actually melting. And coming out of my eyes. Right, I'm crying. "We love you so much, and we like Hide, and..." 

With my free arm, I pull Saiko closer as the words die on her tongue, and kiss the top of Tooru's dark hair. 

"I love you both so much. I may have saved you, then, but you're saving me every day. I wouldn't have made it this far without you two. Now..." I sniffle, like a man. "Stop making me cry. And don't forget your lunches. Again." 

They nod and pull away, both hiding their faces like I don't know we're all emotional wrecks and it's not even eight in the morning. 

"And Tooru?" I add to the boy, who looks up at me with wide eyes. "Can I talk to you for a second?" 

He nods, confused, but follows me out into the hallway while Saiko finishes her breakfast. 

"While we're being honest..." I start, and Tooru looks guilty already. That, of course, is not my intention, so I kneel before the boy, taking his hand in mine and smiling softly. "Hey, look at me, it's okay." 

He does. So I continue; "I understand that you want to keep these things to yourself... I understand it more than you might think, but... I know what's been going on. It's not that obvious, but I know you, dear. They're hurting you." I reach out to cup his small cheek, my thumb running over the cheek that's started to heal now, no longer covered with Saiko's one-tone-off foundation. "You know full well how persuasive I can be, and so does your principal. I know you're scared of going to school without Saiko, or just going to school in general... You can tell me, if you want. And tell me what to do, if you need it. Nobody's forcing you to do anything, but talking does help, sometimes." 

He's staring at the floor, but I can see the water pooling in his eyes. 

We stay quiet for a moment, and the voice that breaks that silence takes my heart with it. 

"They think I'm a freak..." 

"They're wrong," I whisper assuredly, wiping away a tear. 

"I'm so scared, Maman." The water falls from his eyes now, and part of me wants to punch every single hateful bully in that goddamn school, and the other just wants to hold the boy and tell him everything would be okay. Neither would fully solve this, but _fuck_ , nobody gets to hurt my kid like this. 

"They..." Tooru sniffs. "They said they'd prove to me that I _am_ a girl. That I should stop pretending, because they won't stop and... I don't know what that even means but I don't even want to imagine..." 

Anger burns in me so quickly that I don't even remember what calm feels like. "I'll kill them," I breathe, and wince when I remember what it feels like to--No. 

_No, no no, you've forgotten all about that, haven't you?_

I remember how hot blood feels on your hands--people never really mention that, how hot it feels. 

_But you've pushed it aside... Well, haven't you?_

Tooru looks up at me, and through the red in my vision I see an expression I can't quite decipher. 

Fear, because he's seen me like this before, and maybe even... relief. 

"I know, Maman." His voice wavers, but somehow sounds all the more stronger for it. "I know." 

* * *

It's like any other work-day, except that people seem at least twice more enthusiastic to see me than normal. Purely because I haven't been here in a while, I'm sure. 

Oh, and my stomach is invested with a nest of butterflies, because I may or may not be going on a _freaking date and I don't even know when._ It could be now, it could be in ten minutes, I don't know if I'm going to survive this. 

"Oi, numbnuts, are you listening to me?" 

Touka's hand waving in front of my face, and the stern voice coming from a thin-set mouth of a woman you do not wanna mess with, brings me back to my senses. Most of them, at least. Enough to register that I'm standing in front of her and that Nishiki's leaning on the counter near me. 

I wince. "No, sorry. I was on a different planet for a minute there." 

She rolls her eyes. "Just for that, you're coming now, whether you like it or not." 

"Well, hang on a second--" 

"Oh, come on, Haise," comes Juuzou's melodic voice, from where his head is peeking up from the tech departments division from the rest of the shop. "It'll be fun! We'll get Seidou drunk and make him do body shots!" 

"I BEG YOUR PARDON?" comes Seidou's panicked voice from the back, and I'm staring to feel that panic, because what on Earth-- 

"You're pardoned, Seidomo," Juuzou cackles, dropping back down, him and Seidou immediately getting into another verbal spar, but there's no time for that. 

My wide eyes find Touka's passive ones, and she just rolls them and hits me on the arm. "If you'd been listening... We're all going out Saturday night to celebrate the bonuses we got from being 'Top Branch of the Year'." She voices the title like somebody addressing a monarch they didn't vote for, like its pseudo-authority simply bugged her. 

"Going out... to a club?" I ask, hesitantly. "Touka, I don't know if I'm okay with that. What about the kids?" 

Nishiki interjects from where he's been quietly looking bored on the seems of their 'conversation'. 

"Kimi said she wouldn't mind," he yawns, looking eerily like a tired cat. "She has to take care of the twins, and your 'kids' aren't exactly infants, Haise." 

"Wait, you're coming, too?" I ask. 

"I have two screaming, pooping twins at home. Of course I'm coming." 

Touka scoffs. "Yeah, bet you are." 

Nishiki bristles and Juuzou hollers from the back; "Haise said 'too'! That's agreeing!" 

I groan, because his ears are way too good, and he's right, I just did kind of say I would go, didn't I? 

Should I ask Hide to come...? 

_No, no, no, no. Banish the thought, you crushing loony._

"Fine, I'll come. But I am not staying out late. They might not be infants, but they're still my kids." 

Nishiki scoffs, resting his chin on his palm as he looks out of the window. His eyebrows fly up. "Oh, if it isn't Hubby at your beck and call..." 

I almost get whiplash by how quickly I turn my head to look, blushing crimson and see... no one. 

Nishiki breaks out into laughter. "Oh, my God, I was kidding, you love drunk puppy." 

"Jesus, you're a dick," Touka notes, factually. I am very much inclined to agree. 

When Hide does show up, though, about an hour later, the butterflies are activated, blood vessels send all supplies to the north, and my stomach is collateral. 

_Okay, maybe 'Puppy Love' isn't too inaccurate._

"Hey, hey," Hide greets with a grin so bright I almost have to look away. 

"Hey, Hide," I smile back, feeling all fumble-y and nearly tripping over my own two feet as I move to put down the pile of books in my arms. "Right, so, I, uhm..." 

I must look like an incredibly awkward tomato, because he laughs softly. "Just let me know when you take lunch, then we can--" 

"Now!" I chirp before I can catch myself. The amusement on Hide's face is difficult to ignore. "I mean, er, I'll take it now and then we can go... Just a, er, minute, just need to..." I wave my hand and nearly trip over myself as I back away towards where Touka is. 

"Take your time," he smiles and runs a hand through his sunflower hair. I might be in love. 

"Cool," I say back in a very not-cool vocie, turning on my heels and nearly darting to Touka. She's sat in the corner, music audible from the one earbud not in her ear but on her lap, along with about twenty heavy looking books. 

I breathe in, and I breathe out. "IsitokayifItakemylunchnow?" 

Touka looks away from the books she's organizing to raise an eyebrow at me. "Okay. Slow down, Sonic. _What?_ " 

I breathe in, and I breathe out... Slower. "Is it okay if I take my lunch now?" 

Eyebrow still cocked like a loaded gun, she moves to peer around me. I can see on her face when she spots Hide. "And if I say nay?" 

I must resemble a kicked puppy, because she quickly sighs and waves her hand dismissively. "Go, go. And take ten extra minutes to resolve this UST. Don't want you two scaring the kids out of the shop. At least Seidou and Juuzou have a room." 

Seidou squeaks from the back: "I heard that!" 

"Thanks, Touka," I chuckle nervously, before grabbing my verifiable Man Bag in the back office and walking up to where Hide is admiring one of our displays. 

He's frowning. 

"See anything you like?" I ask. 

"Well, now I do," he says, flashing a grin at me before leaning in to one of the covers again, politely ignoring the way my ears start lighting up like a Christmas tree. "You're easier to read, anyway..." He mumbles, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to hear that as much as he actually intended to say it out loud. 

Therefore, I ignore it completely. I clear my throat; mostly to break the tension of the silence that follows, but mostly because my throat is really, really dry. 

"So... you a cappuccino or an americano guy?" I ask, for some goddamn reason, and turn to the shop's door, holding out my hand to it like the darn-tootin' gentleman I am. (Note to self; erase 'darn-tootin'' from vocabulary at once.) He laughs, and puts his arms up so his hands are entwined at the back of his head. I am overcome with the need to touch it. I do not, and I will always consider this an accomplishment, reach out and stroke his hair like a cat. 

"Oh, man," he laughs. "I'm always a slut for a cappuccino." 

I laugh with him, shaking my head like a father secretly proud of his son for swearing in front of Conservative Grandma. "You're just one big walking meme, aren't you?" 

"Ouch. There are so many bad memes, I'm not sure I should take that compliment." 

Auto-pilot directs me to the nearest coffee shop, where I know, at least, Yoriko will be today for moral support. "Well, you do have an uncanny resemblance to a cinnamon roll." 

He laughs. It gives me life. "Looks like a cinnamon roll, and is actually a cinnamon roll?" 

"Wow, how'd you guess?" I grin. 

He shrugs. "I spent a long, hard night introspecting on that one, Haise. When I realized I had to ask my neighbor to kill the spider in my bath, I came to a conclusion What's yours?" 

"Pff, I don't know. I have children. If it wasn't for Juuzou spamming me with the things, I'd probably just be confused and pronounce meme wrong or something." 

"Aw, but you gotta have one!" He drops his arms to cross them in front of his chest, tapping his bottom lip with a finger. "Mmm, lemme think..." 

I raise both my eyebrows. He goes on; "Well, you definitely look like a cinnamon roll. What with the cozy sweaters, the glasses, the slightly tousled hair..." 

I frown at my sweater, adjust my glasses, and lift my hand to my hair consecutively. "Hey, no fair." 

"I call it like I see it." 

He grins, the finger still on his lip. I want to be that finger. 

_Oh, Lord, what have I become..._

Hide takes a long sigh as we approach the smell of coffee and various pastries, slumping his shoulders, the smile not leaving his features. "I'll have to get to know you better, I guess. Until I figure this out, at least." 

I snort. "Whatever you say, Hide," and, for the life of me, I wink. 

" _Sin_ namon!" he hisspers (whispers + hiss = that abomination of a word. Well done, Brain of Haise), directing his finger to me as I laugh at how ridiculously adorable he is. 

"Table for two?" Yoriko asks, then, politely smiling at the two of us. 

"Yes, please," Hide replies, cheerful. 

Yoriko glances between the two of us. She looks devilishly curious. "With a view, maybe?" she asks, and I'll admit, the view from this place is extraordinary when the sakuras are blooming. 

" _Well _, I'll have one regardless," he winks back at me and I _cannot function_ \--"But sure, thanks." __

Her jaw drops for a second, before wide, excited eyes zero in on me, grinning as she turns around and walks--quite quickly, I might add--to one of the tables by the big, floor to ceiling windows that look more like a painting with all the pink blossoms on the other side of it. Hide follows her wordlessly, a bounce in his step before he plops down on the seat. I do the same, and Yoriko's already got her little book out with a pink pen, like, damn, she's ready. 

"What can I get you boys to drink?" 

"Cappuccino, _onegaishimasu_." 

"Just the usual, thanks, Yoriko." 

"Great," she smiles brightly. She didn't write down a single word. "Haise, I'd like a moment, please?" 

"Huh?" I ask, but she's already got me at the arm and I make sure to shoot Hide a baffled look as she drags me away. He hides his smile behind a hand, eyes twinkling. 

He's out of sight, and Yoriko's almost bouncing, her words whispered; "Ooh, is that him?" 

"Him?!" I whisper back. 

"Hot boy you upset Touka over!" 

"Not so loud!" 

"It is, isn't it? Oh, he's adorable, and you're a blubbering mess, it's so cuuuute." 

"Oh, my God, is there a point to this?!" 

"Of course there is! I want you to be happy!" 

"Why does everybody keep saying that?" 

"Cos we care, goddammit!" 

"Yoriko, why did you drag me in here... This is where waiters prowl, and I'm honestly scared one might bite me." 

She stands properly--she'd been on her tip-toes this whole time--and brushes her bangs back, talking normally again. "Because... Well, yeah, I want this to go well for you, of course, but just gimme a signal if I need to... y'know... I've been on bad dates before." 

I sigh, but smile. "You're straight out of a fairy-tale, aren't you..." 

"Hey, I'm serious." She toys with the lapel of her shirt, where her name is pinned to her chest. 

"I know. I'll ask for sugar or milk or something I never actually do when I need an excuse to leave, okay? But he's... Yoriko, he's really nice." I'm blushing again, aren't I? "He's funny and caring and he makes Tooru laugh and, dammit, I want to make him breakfast and wear his t-shirts to bed." 

I blink, realizing what I just said, blushing even harder (if that's even possible at this point) when Yoriko's looking at me with an elated smile. 

"Oh, Haise, you got it bad." 

"I know..." I grumble. 

She shakes her head, laughing before stepping aside. "Anyway, I think I've kept you for long enough. Good luck out there, Haise. Just keep blushing like that and he'll be yours forever." 

"Aaargh," I grunt into my hands as I bury my hot face in my hands and she leaves to the back to, I assume, get our orders. I manage to get my face to a reasonable temperature, which is completely useless as I find myself in Hide's company once more, which equates to a whole lot of blushing. 

Seriously. I go from Cool to Drool in 0.7 seconds flat. 

As I sit down, he's resting his chin in his hand and looking out at the falling sakura, like he's posing for a damn magazine cover and not waiting for a cappuccino. 

But do you know what the worst part is? The way his face lights up when he sees me. 

_...I honestly might not survive this._

"Hey, you're back. What was that about?" he asks in earnest curiosity. 

I shake my head. "That's just Yoriko. She's excitable and incorrigible." 

"I can relate." 

I laugh. "Yeah, and she's been an absolute ray of sunshine for about... a week or two, now? I'm honestly just waiting for her to break and tell me what's been going on with her and Touka." 

"Touka's your co-worker, right? Cute, purple, kind of scary?" 

"Oh, yeah, definitely. That's her twitter bio, actually." 

"You're kidding!" 

"I am," I laugh. "But Touka doesn't share easily, but Yoriko's a chatterbox." I shrug. "Honestly, I just hope they're happy. The respective pining has been killing me." 

Yoriko arrives with the order and... a candle. 

I deadpan. "Yoriko, it's two in the afternoon." 

"Shush, it's romantic." 

"At this point, it's a fire hazard." 

She scoffs. "You'll be the first to set this place a-flame, fireface." 

"Yoriko!" I squeal, and she cackles as she leaves, Hide laughing with her. 

"Oh, man, with friends like those..." he says, looking at her retreating figure and shaking his head, and I silently agree. 

"You have many of them?" I ask, hoping to get the topic of conversation six leagues away from my blushing face. 

"Not really," he admits, softly, slowly stirring the sugar into his drink, eyes on it. He shrugs. "I'm new here. Moved here for the second semester. Not really the time to build up that kind of friendship, I guess." 

"Oh. Where'd you do your first semester, then?" 

"Online. Like most of my life," he grins, sipping at the foam of his drink. 

"Ah," I say, and take an experimental sip of my coffee. _Hot, hot, hot._

"Did you study anything?" Hide asks, and his eyes are full of so much sunshine as he regards me. Something I... do not see when he talks about himself. I wonder why that is. 

_Suns burn themselves up to warm others, right?_

"I did," I admit, before realizing I probably shouldn't have. Well, in for a penny... "Literature, actually. Which makes the job I have pretty perfect, actually." 

"May I ask why you stopped?" 

I rub the back of my head, and he immediately puts two hands up. "Never mind, never mind. That's like... third date level question, right there. My bad." 

I find myself smiling. "You already planning ahead?" 

He grins mischievously, taking a sip of his own drink. "Hey, if Skype dates count, this should be about number eight, actually." 

My ears are burning. "Oh, shut up, they don't count..." 

"I don't know, man, I've seen some things--" 

"That was an accident!" I squeal. 

"My taking a screenshot was totally an accident, too." 

"Oh, my God, you didn't." 

"No, I didn't," he admits, pulling the same goddamn joke on me as I did with him earlier, laughing, and I swear I see a faint blush on his cheeks. 

I'm definitely blushing to at least my navel, because the night before I'd accidentally forgotten that I didn't actually end my call with Hide, and walked into my bedroom, laptop open, in only a towel. I try my best to forget that ever happened. 

We talk for quite a while. He tells me about his parents waiting for him in 'the Hairy Armpit of Japan', his class clown escapade this morning in Forensics, and his impeccable 'Queer-dar'. 

"Your what now?" 

He laughs. "Well, it's like a Radar, but for being able to quite successfully judge whether I can flirt with a guy and not get socked. This is Japan, you know. Also, misgendering." 

I roll my eyes. "Well, I guess if Gaydar is a word..." I grin, then, leaning forward a little, my heart squeezing tightly when he does, too. 

"Well, I might have a challenge for you," I nearly whisper. 

"Ooh, you have my attention, go on." He does a little wiggle in his seat. 

"Me." 

"Pfft, you're here with me. All that matters, right?" 

I can't help the smile on my face anymore. It's becoming a permanent fixture in his presence. "Mmm... Suzuya?" 

"I met him once! Like, barely!" He laughs, and his eyes crinkle at the corners. This is beauty. 

"Exactly... The challenge you wanted." 

He takes a contemplative breath. "Well. He's a blip, I'll tell you that much. I'd put my vote to ace, but would totally be down for Seidou-snuggles?" 

My eyebrows shoot up. "Wow, you are good." 

"It's a talent." He shrugs, and I stay quiet... for some reason. A pause grows between us, and it's a pause that makes my hands go all sweaty and my heart beat so loudly I'm sure he can hear it. My eyes flick down to his mouth on their own goddamn accord, and it's plump and pink and the corners of his mouth are slightly perked in a smile and he'd probably taste like sugar and coffee-- 

"Oi, this is a public place, morons," comes the Voice of Annoyance... aka Nishio Nishiki. 

Hide and I both snap to our senses, whipping our heads towards the tall man. 

"Wha?" we say simultaneously, which is kind of cute, and I really was going to kiss him, wasn't I? I was going to throw all sense and reason out of this here window, and kiss this beautiful boy in the middle of a coffee shop, on my lunch break, with people _right there_ \-- 

"Sasaki, my wife has the flu." 

I blink. "I fail to see the immediate relevance of this." 

Hide's leaned back again, staring at his near-empty mug with an expression I can't quite name--something between pure joy, and absolute horror. Honestly, same. 

"It means, bonehead, that she won't be able to take care of your children tonight while you go out and get wasted with your colleagues." He pauses. "And that I can't either, actually, now that I think about it..." 

"Oh," I say, not sure if I should be disappointed or not. "I, er, it's okay, I'm sure Touka wouldn't mind if I didn't go--" 

"Suzuya would," Nishiki says, pointedly, suddenly serious as he puts his hands on his hips and regards me. "You know he doesn't do well with crowds. For..." He glances at an oblivious looking Hide (which, I mean, fair enough). "Various reasons." 

I exhale and nibble on my bottom lip. I hadn't thought of that. Suzuya Juuzou... he's always been so logical. When he gets emotional, things get scary. People, these kind of places, can do that to him. Dammit, I'm a horrible friend, I should have agreed to go from the beginning for his sake, not try and weasel out of it for my own. 

"I'll do it?" 

Nishiki and I both look to the source of the voice. It was Hide, of course, looking bashful with his hand on the back of his neck. 

"I mean, er," he continues. "That the kids already know me, Haise. I can watch them, if you want." 

A second ago, I was literal inches away from kissing him. So why does this feel even more personal? 

_Are you really going to drag him deeper into your world, Kaneki?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one thing I always hope to convey in my 'writing' is realism. like. for you to go 'ya tho' when there's an awkward interaction and for conversation to not always come straight out of a manuscript so like??? 
> 
> anyway
> 
> I have plans for this next chapter that I'm very, very excited about so I'm going to try my best and write it before the block sets in again so hopefully before christmas? hope feeds me. get excite.


	7. Tag, You're It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”No buts! Butts are for pants!”  
> \- Hideyoshi Nagachika, 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is such a fuckery enjoy my guys, gals and nb pals
> 
> extra thanks to my bestie for editing this <3

_You know... your parents always tell you to be careful, use the 'buddy' system, don't stay out too late after dark. And you listen, because it all makes sense to be careful, for the sake of being careful, but it doesn't really sink in how dangerous the world can be until you're being cornered in an alley by men with not even a flicker of morality in their dark eyes._

_I've had hypothetical conversations about this before; what I'd do if it ever happened to me. If I'd fight back, or cave and give them everything as long as they let me live._

_I never even considered the possibility that I'd be unable to do either._

_I cowered in the corner, my bag's contents spewed on the floor like guts. I was so scared. They didn't do anything though, the men, they just made sure I couldn't run. Like I was brave enough to even try._

_"He's pathetic," one laughed, the others laughing along. Cold, cruel laughs. But they were right._

_"He'll fetch a pretty price, though, don't you think?"_

_I swallowed thickly at the statement and the consequences it inferred, but I couldn't see who he was talking to until she stepped forward._

_A breathtaking woman, I could see that even through the haze of tears I tried to keep in my eyes. Her hair fell in purple locks across her shoulders, and she brushed her bangs out of her face, righting her glasses as she assessed me the way I imagine a pig feels at slaughter._

_"A little meek, maybe..." she purred, walking forward as I shrank even more into the wall. "Oooh, he's so precious! He's not even trying to run away!" She laughed, threading a hand through my hair, pulling at it to force me to look at her._

_"Yes, I can work with this..." she purred once more, before she ran her tongue across the side of my face. Despite myself, I let out a sob. She laughed, throwing me to the ground. Her heels clicked against the cobblestones. "Knock him out."_

_I saw a man's foot coming in on my head, and then nothing at all._

_When I woke up, I immediately knew I wasn't safe in bed at home. It smelled foul. Like sweat and bleach. I couldn't move, my hands and feet taped together. I wanted to just cry. To cry, because that's all I could do. I didn't know what was happening to me and hell, I didn't want to think about it._

I sobbed. Silently, out of habit. My aunt always hated my wailing. 

I cried, tiring myself, that is, until I heard movement. I looked up as they opened the doors--it looked like those of a cargo crate--and threw someone else in. No, two people. 

Two kids. 

_Horrified, my crying stuck in my throat but I could still hear terrified sobs, echoing off the walls._

_"Hello?" I tried, looking up to see them, my eyes already having adjusted to only the light coming in through cracks in the walls._

_A soft yell, and soft crying. One of the figures moved away from the sound of my voice, and I couldn't blame them. "He-hello?"_

_They said, their voice so small it broke my heart. What was happening? And what kind of monster takes children?!_

_"My name's Kaneki," I tried, realizing my voice doesn't sound nearly as firm and steady as I'd have liked. "I'm not going to hurt you, they... they took me, too."_

_They shuffled forward. They... they must not have tied them up. Maybe they thought they didn't have to?_

_"Oh, God, I'm so scared..." the girl sniffled, while the other figure seemed to be completely drawn into themself in fear. "I don't want to die here."_

_"It's worse, though!" the other figure suddenly screamed. "Don't you know what this is?!"_

_"I know..." she sniffles, shuffling back to the other figure and trying to reach out. He shakes his head, frantic._

_"No, no, no, this can't be happening..." he, I think it's a boy, at least, sobs, curling into himself again._

_"I'm going to get us out of here," I say, with a determination I didn't know I possessed. They both looked at me, their eyes glinting with tears, a look that haunts me even now. "I promise, okay? Whatever it takes, I'll get us out of here."_

* * *

The doorbell rings once. Twice. Three times. 

I love these kids, okay, but they're _killing me, here_. I have to jump out of the shower, wrap the nearest towel I can reach around my hips, and stalk to the front door because somebody's too lazy to get up and answer the door when they both know that I was taking a very relaxing shower before-- 

I open the door and Hide's standing there. 

_Oh, yeah._

Fuck. 

It... escaped my conscious thought for a second there that I'd invited him over. 

"Nice outfit," Hide grinned, winking with his hands in his pockets. "Do you greet everyone like this, Haise?" 

I splutter, turning red and _yay, now he can see the blush all the way to my damn navel_. He keeps grinning, holding eye contact, and I keep blushing until rationality hits me like a bus. 

"Yes! I mean, no! Uhm... Come in! Sorry! Hah," I laugh awkwardly, standing aside so he can pass me, which he does, and I lean against the front door for a second as he wanders in. 

_Earth, open up and take me now. I have suffered enough._

Make yourself comfortable!" I call, quickly and high-pitched, from where I'm scrambling back into my room. I rush into the bathroom, and as I pass my reflection, I see the white foam of conditioner that I hadn't washed out. 

Amazing. Truly. 

I finish my shower in record time, and check the time to see how much I have left to angst over an outfit. Not that I really care or anything. I'm not dressing up for anyone, right? I mean, Hide will see me in it for five minutes before I take off, right? No biggie. 

I join them in the living room thirty minutes later. Hide lets out a low whistle and I blush, yet again. 

He's situated on the couch, with Tooru lounging next to him--completely comfortable, to my absolute bewilderment--and Saiko on the floor, countless memorabilia and manga strewn across the floor that she apparently seems to be exhibiting to the blonde. 

"You look really good, Haise," Hide smiles, honest and open and _so cuuuute_. "I'm kind of jealous of the club now." 

Saiko snorts. "Don't be. He hates clubbing." 

"She's right, you know," I smile, adjusting my tie nervously and tugging down my waistcoat. It's casual enough, for me, I guess. Black dress pants, white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, black tie and waistcoat. "Not too fancy, then?" I ask anyway, doing a dramatic twirl for their benefit. 

Saiko laughs, all bubbly, and Hide chuckles. Even Tooru looks up to laugh softly. "You look lovely, Maman." 

"Mmm, so pretty..." Hide says wistfully, chin resting in his hand as he smiles at me like it's our goddamn wedding day, and I can't help but spot the pinkness of his cheeks. 

I tear my eyes away from them all and how awfully domestic this all looks to check my watch and--"Shit, I gotta go." 

Quickly walking over, I give Tooru a kiss on the cheek, nearly having to tackle Saiko for the chance to kiss her head, and moving over to Hide and stopping midway because was I seriously just going to casually kiss him goodbye? I blush and do a two-fingered salute like that's a goddamn normal thing to be doing??? 

"Thanks again. I won't be home too late, I promise." 

"Oh, go have fun, don't worry about me," he says, leaning over to ruffle Saiko's blue hair, Saiko letting out an indignant but fond "Hey!" as Hide laughs. 

I realize with a lurch in my stomach that _I want this. I really, really want this._

I tear myself away when Hide looks at me in concern, as I'm sure I'd been looking at them like one looks at the displays in a confectionery shop. "Right, yeah, going," I chuckle. "Don't break the house down. There's katsudon in the fridge I made earlier and, er," I fiddle with my lapel. "Have fun, okay? But not, er, too much. Get some sleep and--" 

"We will, Haise," all fucking three of them say at the same time and my heart does a little spin and does not, _not_ , stick the landing. I clear my throat and turn to leave before they give me heart arrhythmias at such a young age. The second I leave out of the front door, I want to turn around and go back in, sit down next to Hide, and God, just _be_. 

* * *

The club is loud, and full and there's just so much neon, I don't get it at all. 

Touka's brother is draped over the bar. And I do mean draped; his leg is in a position where it looks like he wants to climb over, but he lost motivation half way over. I sigh, pulling him back on the chair by the nape of his jacket. 

"Hey, hey, hands off the brand, man!" 

I scoff. "Ayato, really?" 

He pouts, looking at me through messy dark purple hair with a loot that's equally adorable and terrifying. Well, that's Ayato Kirishima in a nutshell, right? 

"Reality is a myth, old man." 

"I cannot believe Touka let you come here." 

He scoffs. "Her exact words were 'I don't give a fuck, shitface' so either way..." He lifts his glass as if in cheers. "To not giving a fuck and getting _shitfaced._ " 

"You are in Saiko's English class, this is ridiculous..." I say, burying my face in my hands. He's a minor. He's shorter than literally everyone here. Yet, he seems to very easily pass as a twenty year old. It must be the Prince-esque leather jacket. What is that about, anyway? 

"Lil bro giving you trouble, Haise?" Touka asks, slinging an arm around my shoulder, quite clearly out of necessity, if her swaying is of any indication. 

"He's too young to be here, Touka," I say, in stern 'Mom voice'. 

"He's old enough to make his own bad choices," she grumbles, patting my head before turning away. 

Am I the only sober one here? I look back at where Touka's headed. The Seating Area; it's quite nice, a bunch of couches, throw pillows and ottomans scattered around a wooden-floored patio type area separated from the dance floor by big windows and sliding doors. That I don't really get... how many drunk people must have walked into that by now... 

"Hey!" she calls back suddenly, over the break in the near constant electronic music permeating this place. "The Token Het showed up! Come on, man!" 

I roll my eyes. _Nishiki, huh?_

I take a last look at Ayato. "Take care, okay?" 

He looks at me, raising an eyebrow at my sudden sincerity. "Er... okay?" 

"I'm serious," I say, putting a hand on his shoulder as I get up to join my colleagues outside. "If you need a ride back, or anything, just tell me, okay?" 

He takes a second to think that over, before grunting and turning to his drink. "Whatever, mom." 

"I'll take that as a yes," I smile, giving him a last pat. 

I weave my way through the dance floor-- _so many people_ \--before coming up to where my colleagues have claimed an entire area as their own. There's a few more people here, people they must have invited. There's a dark haired man with a bunch of tattoos looking serene on the couch next to Touka and Yoriko, who look like they could fuse at any moment. On an ottoman, looking incredibly dignified for someone of his stature on a ottomon, is a white haired man looking incredibly contemplative at a pink-haired woman's clearly very quick talking, if her mouth correlates at all with the speed at which words are leaving it. 

Seidou and Suzuya are on a single couch. Well, technically. Juuzou is splayed over the couch like he owns it and Seidou is on the floor, using the couch as something to lean on; something he clearly needs. His face is pink with alcohol, whilst Juuzou looks completely like himself, lost in thought and kicking slightly with his leg like he's in a completely other world. True to Touka's word, Nishiki's here, and the only one standing, leaning against a pillar with a smile that, frankly, scares me. I pull an ottomon closer and sit down, everyone busy with their own thing, barely noticing me. Well, so I think. 

"Oh, hey, Haise," Juuzou greets me with a smile. For a kid always so... far away... he's incredibly observant. Seidou stirs, looking at me too and breaking out in a grin. 

"Haise!" he says enthusiastically, attempting to stand up, but stopped by Juuzou's hand on his shoulder. 

"You'll hurt yourself, dummy," he grumbles to himself. I chuckle to myself. 

Oh, how the roles have been reversed. 

A shrill shriek from the pink-haired woman has me turning to her with wide eyes. "Oh, you're adorable!" she says, and it's all the warning I get before she squishes my cheeks. 

"Itori, don't do that," Touka says, albeit with a laugh in her voice. 

"Uhm, hello," I say, my voice sounding odd out of squished cheeks. 

"Cutie!" she squeals again, before the white-haired man gently pulls her into his lap. 

"Stop that," he says sternly, softly. 

She giggles. "Wow, so handsy, big boy." 

The man rolls his eyes. The tattooed man looks up, as if suddenly interested in the conversation, eyes passing the pair to land on Seidou. "Is that little boy okay?" he asks with a silken voice, that travels easily despite the music. 

Seidou focuses, then, squinting in his direction. _"I am fine, Utaaa._ And I'm not a little boy! I'm a man!" That gets a few laughs, and he frowns even deeper. "Hey, that wasn't funny! S-Stop laughing!" He pouts, slinking back into a sulk. 

"Wow, he really is gone, huh?" Nishiki muses. 

Touka snorts. "Yeah, he'd probably do anything we tell 'im." 

"Hey, Seidou! Go dance with someone!" 

Seidou shakes his head, like a four year old being offered broccoli. "No, I don't wanna." 

"Mmm," Touka muses for a moment, before her eyes light up, and she stumbles over to him, whispering something in his ear. Seidou's eyes go wide, and Touka giggles as she falls back into Yoriko's lap. 

I look at Touka with questioning eyes. She just giggles. Not very helpful. 

A high-pitched squeak sounds from next to me, and I turn to look and-- 

_Oh my god._

There's a wolf-whistle from Itori, and what did Touka say?! 

Seidou has scrambled up the chair and plopped himself in Suzuya's lap almost possessively. The IT genius looks up at Seidou with absolutely terrified eyes. 

Oh, no. 

Seidou leans in before Juuzou can do anything, pressing his lips onto the other boy's with a deliberateness surprising for his inebriated state. 

Nobody in the group says anything for a good few seconds, while Juuzou's eyes are still as wide and terrified as before. Seidou doesn't as much pull away as he falls into the other boy and falls asleep almost instantly in the crook of his neck. 

Juuzou's wide eyes turn to me, screaming for help. 

_Crap._

I spring up immediately and pull Seidou off of the boy, hooking my arms under his and hoisting him up as Juuzou scrambles off the couch. I drop Seidou back down, and he keeps sleeping, amazingly already drooling on the armrest of the couch. 

Juuzou's run off, but I saw him leave through the front door. I spare a moment to glare at Touka. "You had no right to do that, Touka, come _on_." 

"I... I thought it would help them along..." She has the decency to look embarrassed. I roll my eyes and turn to walk as quickly as I can towards him. 

* * *

It takes me a few minutes to find him; he's sat outside the club, arms around his legs on the sidewalk, head between his knees. He looks so vulnerable. Of everything I've seen when it comes to Suzuya Juuzou, I have never seen him look vulnerable. I measure my steps, walking slowly towards him so I don't give him a start. 

"Hey, it's just me," I say softly, before letting myself sit next to the other boy. "You don't have to talk, but I'm here if you need me." 

He looks up quickly, like he's just making sure, before moving a bit closer so our legs are touching, burying his face back into the crook of his knees. I actually take note, for the first time, of what he's wearing; an outfit almost like mine, the only thing really differentiating the two being the brightly colored polka-dot socks under dress shoes, and the red pins I'm sure never leave his ashen hair. 

We sit in companionable silence for a few minutes before he jumps up. He lets out a frustrated yell and kicks the nearest thing, which happens to be a pretty immovable wall. It honestly looks like it hurts, but when he paces up and down the sidewalk, it doesn't appear to be bothering him. I can see tears staining his cheeks, and he's clawing at his scalp and hair. My throat goes dry at the sight, but I stand up, nonetheless, approaching the frantic boy. He abruptly stops his pacing as I approach him, his eyes catching the light from the club and seemingly flashing red for a second. Despite all, he looks a moment away from crumbling, so I reach out and let him. 

"I hate it, I hate, I hate it, _I hate it_ ," he whispers to himself frantically as he shakes in my arms. His hands, curled up into fists, are trapped between us, but he kicks and beats on my chest, anyway. "I'm broken, Haise," he sobs and it breaks my fucking heart. I don't understand, but hell, I'll try. "He only did--did that 'cos he was drunk, he thinks I’m a freak, I am a freak, I'm so fucked up, and I didn’t know, I didn’t know I would _want_ \--” 

I let him cry it out, and I know I’m going to have bruises on my chest, but that doesn’t matter, because getting it out is always better and I know that nothing I say when he’s like this will help, but to just assure him that I’m here with light squeezes and a soft, reassuring hand on his shaking back. 

When he pulls back, looking absolutely wrecked, his eyes are wide and apologetic. “Oh, oh no, no, no, _no_ ,” he mumbles and he tears himself away from me. “I’m so--I’m sorry, I didn’t _mean to…_ ” 

I shake my head, hoping my eyes display as much sincerity as I can feel bubbling up in my heart. I really am Mom, aren’t I? 

“Juuzou, don’t apologise, it’s okay.” 

“Uuugh,” he groans, “This is what I _mean_. I’m not stable and the closer I get to people, the more I can…” He bites down on his lip so hard it bleeds. “Hurt them. And that hurts me. I don’t like it, Haise.” 

“I know,” I say, softly, and while I can still see the suppressed panic in his eyes, he’s not shaking anymore. “But it’s okay, you know? To get close to people. To let yourself.” 

Juuzou shakes his head quickly, the pins sliding further down his hair. “No, it isn’t. I thought it was okay if I kept my distance, but I can’t take it anymore. I don’t think I’d be okay if Seidou hated me.” 

This is… starting to make a bit more sense. 

He continues, eyes watery, a hand pulling at the stitches by his lip. “Getting close to people just gets you hurt, that’s what Mama always said~ And I did that, Haise! I went ahead and got close to a person!” He laughs, and it’s melodical in its sardonic quality. “People who are… fickle and _squishy_ , just meat and blood and I was never scared of pain or death, but this is worse, because it’s so easy for it to happen to him and then what about me?!” 

I take a deep breath, eyebrows furrowing in worry as I place a hand on Juuzou’s shoulder. His eyes shoot to me, doing a wonderful impression of a deer caught in the headlights. 

“Hey, do you think you can do something for me?” I ask, and Juuzou nods slowly. I smile softly. “You have an amazing mind, but I am struggling to understand. I’ll just ask questions. You don’t need to answer if you don’t want to. Okay?” 

It was… Well, when I’d gotten frantic and slipped away, Saiko would do this. Afterwards she’d call it Twenty Questions to Calm, and, hey, it worked for me, maybe it’ll work for Juuzou. 

"What’s your name?” I ask, firstly, simply, and he glares at me. 

“Juuzou Suzuya.” 

“How old are you?” 

“Same as you, dummy,” he says, and I can see him slumping against the wall, fingers still toying with his stitches. 

“Who is Shinohara to you?” 

“He’s… he takes care of me. He’s my guardian. He gives me food and tells me when I’m being rude.” 

"That’s right. Do you love him, Juuzou?” 

He takes a moment, before speaking in what is barely a whisper. “Yeah, I think so.” 

“Do you know what love is, Juuzou?” 

He looks at me, and he smiles softly, and I think my heart grows two twice its size. “I think so. It’s… putting someone ahead of yourself and worrying a lot about them and smiling more when they’re around. Right?” 

_Ah, be still, my heart._

“That’s right…” I take a moment to consider my next question. “Do you think Seidou puts you ahead of himself?” 

Everything in Suzuya’s expression softens immediately. “He lets me eat his food because he doesn’t want me to be unhealthy.” 

I smile. “Does that mean he worries about you?” 

His reply is to nod silently, letting his hand fall from his stitches. 

"Do you smile more when you’re around Seidou?” 

Before I know what’s happening, he’s pounced on me and is hug/clinging onto me. “He loves me?” 

“I really think so, Suz.” 

“He didn’t just do it because he’s drunk?” 

“I think it _helped _, but no, I don’t think so.”__

"Even though he knows so much about me?” 

I can’t help but chuckle. “I’m sure he loves all of it.” 

“Ugh, you’re such a sap.” 

“So are you.” 

"Am not.” 

When he pulls away, we’re both smiling and he’s wiping at his cheeks with the sleeves of his shirt slightly oversized shirt. 

“We should probably take him home…” Juuzou mumbles, looking incredibly sheepish. 

We stayed away from the group longer than I thought, and when we get back, like… three of them have joined Seidou in passing out. Juuzou and I agree to make sure Seidou gets home safely. The black haired man’s already got Itori slumped unconscious over his shoulder, and Yoriko insists that ‘she got this’. ‘This’ being the two Kirishima siblings asleep on her. I can’t help but be grateful that I’d be going home much earlier than Touka had intended to keep me here. 

* * *

“Hey, focus for a second, hey, Seidou, _come on_ ,” I coax, holding his face between my hands and slapping him softly. “What’s your apartment number?” 

He hiccups and giggles.”Life and the Universe, m’dude,” he slurs. 

Juuzou and I nod at each other. “Forty two. You take the legs--or just do that! Hell, Juuzou, how are you so freaking strong--” 

...I’m a good guy, okay, but I can’t help but take a picture of Suzuya Juuzou piggy-backing a blackout drunk Takizawa Seidou. I just can’t. 

“You sure you can get home fine?” I ask the white-haired boy, who nods as he tucks a fully dressed Seidou into bed. 

“Yeah, I’m not that far away, I’ll take the train if I’m too tired. Promise.” 

“Alright, then. Force-feed him some water. He’ll thank you in the morning.” 

* * *

I get home to the sound of laughter. 

It’s ten at night, and I want to take _another_ shower. To get the ‘club scene’ off me. 

In the living room, what I conclude to be ‘the Source of the Laughter’, they’re… they built a goddamn fort in my living room. The lights are off except for whatever is shining through the fort, that I notice is cleverly draped to include the television. 

“Where do they even get a freaking stripper pole at a Grand Prix banquet?” 

"Chris, probably." 

“Shh, don’t ruin the illusion!” 

A loud squeak. “Oh, my God, they’re dancing together and it looks like pair skating! This is so on purpose.” 

I am… very confused. Must be anime. 

When I peak in, they all jump. 

“Maman!” 

“You’ll give me a _heart attack_ ,” Hide wheezes dramatically, taking the time to pause whatever they were watching. It’s horribly cozy in here; there are more pillows than is truly sensible, and Tooru must have brought every single stuffed animal he owns into this place. 

“Is that _bubblewrap_?” I ask incredulously, pointing to the plastic ball next to the couch, Saiko answering me with a laugh. 

“Yeah, there was still some left over from when we were moving in. It really adds to the ComfCave.” 

“The ComfCave? Seriously?” 

“Hey!” Hide protests. “That’s Trademark Hideyoshi Nagachika, that is. Don’t knock it.” 

“I wasn’t knocking it.” I laugh, taking off my shoes to throw them outside the fort, before settling down next to a big, stuffed bear. 

They all look at me with wide eyes. 

_“You just--”_

“Did you see that, too, Papa?” 

“I did! He just threw it out!" 

_"So wild."_

"Didn’t even place them, just threw them." 

"Clubbing's changed you." 

"Like a common peasant.” 

I blush deeply. “Hey, even I need a break sometimes,” I say with a pout. Saiko and Tooru giggle together, before the three of them exchange a look I do not understand at all. 

“One…” 

“Two…” 

“What’s happening?!” 

“Three!” And with that, all three of them pounce me. And I do mean all three of them. 

"We missed you!” Saiko says, and I can barely see past her crazy blue hair, outside of its usual ponytails. Hide’s clamped to my side and Tooru to my other. 

“I can see that!” I splutter, laughing and squirming. “Miss me a bit less!” 

They laugh and, to both my disappointment and my lungs’ absolute relief, they release me and catch me up on what they were doing while I was gone. 

This, apparently, included Hide suggesting a blanket fort. I look at him with the most playfully stern expression I can muster. 

“Must you be an enabler?” 

Hide laughs, putting up his hands. “I’m the fun dad!” 

"Are you saying I’m not fun?” 

“No, no! I’m just fun in a more…” 

“Enabling manner?” 

“Okay, yeah, fair enough. They _did_ eat, though. That katsudon you left in the fridge? Your cooking is fantastic, by the way.” 

"Oh,” I perk up at the genuine compliment, feeling my ears heat up. “Th-thank you.” 

“And like the incredibly responsible parent I am, despite also being _awesome_ ,” he says, turning to the two kids who were watching them in abject amusement. “Isn’t it time you two went to bed?” 

The both groaned. “But--” 

“Ah!” Hide held up a finger, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the dramatically stern expression on his face.”No buts! Butts are for pants!” 

He keeps his finger, and expression, up as they laugh and leave to go to bed. Saiko pauses at the entrance of the fort, looking between the two of us. 

"Oh, and Maman?” 

“Yes?” 

“If you don’t keep Papa, we will.” She smiles innocently as I turn the colour of a Santa’s goddamn pantaloons. “Good night!” 

_Little devils._

"So precious,” Hide sighs wistfully from next to me, because yes, that is exactly where he is, _right next to me_. I turn to look at him and there’s but a four feet tall teddy bear separating us. “Are they always this excitable?” 

“No, not really,” I admit, smiling softy because they were tonight and that was all down to Hide. “Thanks again, for this.” 

“Pfft,” he waves his hand dismissively. “I had a lot of fun. Saiko showed us quite a few episodes of her favourite anime and Tooru went on about books for a good long time. He definitely takes after you, that one.” 

“Saiko’s more like you than she is like me,” I chuckle. 

“Mmm, true, true. She’s an amazing kid, though.” 

I smile like he’s just complimented me directly. He smiles back, and neither of us say anything. We just smile at each other like a pair of dorks. He, amazingly, looks away first, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“You know, I--” 

“I should prob--” 

We both freeze. 

“Uhm, you first,” I insist. 

“Oh, I was, uhm, just going to suggest that I could get going, since you’re home and all,” he says, and it’s the complete uneagerness in his tone that spurs me on to speak, in a moment of rare courage. 

“I was going to suggest you stay, actually,” I say, watching his face slowly redden. “I mean, if you want. It’s still early if you wanted, to, er, watch a movie or something, _arrrgh_ \--” I groan, hiding my face behind my hands. I hear the breath of a laugh and the sounds of movement, the soft shuffling of pillows, and I just know he’s closer. I peek between my fingers, feeling how hot my face was. He’s looking at me with such complete adoration and _I can’t handle it_. I hide again. 

“You’re really adorable.” 

“You’re really embarrassing,” I mumble. 

He laughs softly. “It’s because you’re so adorable, I can’t help myself. You blushing adds actual years to my life.” 

I peek at him again, trying for a glare. “Yeah, because it’s taking years off mine.” 

“Aah, so cute!” 

I groan, knowing it isn’t doing me any actual good to hide behind my hands because my whole body must look like a stop sign at this point. 

“Okay, fine, I’ll relent. _If_ you come out. I miss your face.” 

“You’re not stopping!” I squeak and he laughs. 

What am I supposed to do here?” he laughs. “Sing a song?” 

“If you do that, I might actually die.” 

“Hey, my singing’s not that bad!” 

I laugh, shaking my head. “Nope, you’ll scare the children and cause property damage.” 

“Well, that’s it, it’s happening now.” 

“Hide, _nooo_ ,” I moan playfully, dropping my hands just as he closes his eyes. 

_“Wise men say,”_ He starts, voice soft and, while not newsworthy, washes over me like a warm shower, and whatever I had to say dies in my throat. _“Only fools rush in~”_ He opens his eyes and looks directly at me, and from when he’s moved he’s very, very close, and I must look quite the sight with my red face and my wide eyes. _“But I can’t help falling in love with you~”_

My heart is filled to the point of bursting. The soft light of the television playing off his face, the fact that I’ve only known him for enough weeks to count on one hand but it feels like I’ve known him forever, how little happiness I deserve yet how much I’m feeling, _it’s too much_. I want to cry and laugh and scream and dance because I did it, didn’t I? 

I went and fell in love. 

I let out a laugh that could easily pass as a sob, putting my hand over my mouth. 

_“Shall I stay~”_ He takes that hand and places a soft kiss on my knuckles between his words and I am melting. _“Would it be a sin? If I can’t help falling in love with you?”_

I don’t need to think about it, because, hell, I always think about everything, I never just indulge myself, so I plunge into the deep end so quickly I can feel the cold work its way up my spine, accompanied by a warmth I never knew. 

I kiss him. 

It’s the easiest thing in the world to chastely capture his lips with mine, and they’re slightly chapped but soft and warm and _welcoming_ , and he laughs against my lips before kissing me back with barely withheld desperation. 

It’s perfect in its imperfection, as I stumble over myself to close that stupid, unnecessary space between us and trip on a teddy bear, flooring him onto a bed of pillows, and I don’t even have the sanity to feel embarrassed about the fact that I’m using his lap as a chair, because his hands are in my hair and grasping at my clothes. 

When he tilts his head and runs his tongue against my lips and _nips_ , I keen despite myself, and he moans and I can't decide if I'm dizzy because of the utter lewdness of that moan, or because I am literally not breathing properly right now. 

I pull away, breathing heavily, and he looks freaking wrecked, but he’s laughing again, his face pink and his lips thoroughly kisses, hair splayed out against the pillow like a golden halo. 

“Oh, my _Goood_ ,” he says, clasping his hand over his eyes as he grins and laughs and looks so stupidly happy that I fall for him even more. I laugh, giddy, because I can’t believe I just did that. “Dude, you’re going to be the death of me.” 

I laugh, leaning in to kiss every part of his face that he didn’t cover with his hand, the tip of his nose, his warm cheek, the corner of his lips, and he giggles ridiculously when I apparently find a ticklish spot behind his ear. He puts his arms around me, turning me around and knocking the breath out of me, but I don’t mind, because he’s looking down at me like I’m the only thing in the world and I could not possibly blush any more. 

“Stay?” I ask, softly, hesitantly, hopefully. 

He smiles, and I swear, he fucking glows. “Of course. You found my tickle spot, after all,” he says, placing another soft kiss on my lips. “Now it’s my turn.” 

“What do you--? Ah! _Hide_!” 

“Found it.” 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> raise your hand if this chapter gave you whiplash, five cavities and slight anxiety
> 
> ((Btw hc that that was Haise's first kiss yep I don't make the rules here))


End file.
